Desire's Chains
by Ashuri-Kasandora-Tsuyoi
Summary: Sequel to Object of Affection. Ren and Horo have been together for a while now. However when the prospect of marriage comes up, Ren refuses knowing full well Horo will do anything to get him to marry him. even driving him insane. chap 13 up. R
1. Question

**Desires Chains.**

**Ashuri: well I guess this would be the sequel to Object of Affection, after one year but I could finally think of something to write after reading eleven volumes of shaman king and watching 4 disks worth of episodes. Depending on how well this story is received, if its anything like OOA, then I might keep it up if not well, we'll get to that later. Anyway enjoy and cue the disclaimer.**

**Horo and Ren: she does not own Shaman King.**

Chapter One: Question.

It was a bright sunny morning in Tokyo and its rays penetrated the thin curtains covering the window leaving a thick ray of sunlight across the face of the one curled up in the large bed. Deep within sleep he did not notice the bight light but continued his slumber subconsciously drawing the blankets closer around him encased in unending silence.

The silence was broken by the sound of his lovers voice being the first sounds of the day.

"Ren! Ren! Ren! Oh come on! Wake up Ren!"

Ren pulled the covers up over his head in an attempt to drown out the voice, mumbling something like "deathings with bricks." The person of whom the voice belonged to was persistent in waking him up and had climbed up on the bed and was gently shaking him awake softly calling his name. Ren elbowed him in the gut and moved closer to the edge of the bed.

The person sighed in exasperation and said. "I'm going to regret doing this but. REN! BREAKFAST IS READY!"

Ren jumped forward from his sleeping position and landed sprawled out on the floor eyes open in shock. He tried to turn and look back at the bed but was bound to tightly within his blankets. He struggled to remove the no longer comforting blankets and sat up. He turned to face his boyfriend who was sitting on the bed with a slightly calm expression on his face.

"Breakfast is ready," Horo said.

Ren glared at him and stood up. He then lunged at Horo who jumped off the bed and fled the room laughing. Ren followed.

"Come back here Horo! I'm going to kill you!"

Horo laughed from somewhere downstairs. Reaching the first floor Ren set off in search of him. There was only so many places he could hide. Entering the kitchen he glanced around quickly determining that Horo was not there and was about to leave when someone grabbed him from behind. Half in mind to flip him over and throw him, he settled for another quick jab to Horo's gut.

"Oof. Good morning to you too," Horo said.

"What did I tell you about waking me up like that? Hmm?"

"Um let me see . . . something about not doing it?"

"And what did you do?" Ren asked.

"I did it," replied Horo.

"Exactly."

"But its so hard to wake you up," Horo whined.

"Well if you didn't like waking up at obscene hours," replied Ren curtly.

"Its ten."

"Oh." Ren looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Nah its ok. I deserved it. Sorta." Horo gave Ren a kiss on the cheek and pulled him over to the table where their breakfast had been laid out. Pancakes, orange juice and milk.

Sitting down Ren smiled ever so slightly. "Can't you make anything else besides pancakes?"

"Do you want cereal?" Horo asked.

"No, never mind." He looked down to inspect his pancakes. Horo's cooking may be better then Yoh's but never the less, if anything could go wrong while cooking Horo could accomplish it.

Noticing that it was burnt slightly Ren didn't say anything but took a bite of it anyway. It wasn't too bad. Though the sentence _too bad_ was stretching it a bit far. He swallowed liberal amounts of milk to wash away the taste. He looked at Horo quickly to see if he had noticed anything but Horo hadn't even started eating and was staring blankly ahead at the cabinets.

Ren blinked slightly but said nothing. He just watched him. Horo seemed slightly distracted. After a moment Horo asked. "Ren, are you happy?"

Ren was slightly startled by the abrupt question but answered. "Doesn't it show? I love eating burned pancakes made by an idiot," with a slightly evil happy smile on his face.

Horo looked hurt and Ren immediately regretted it. He moved closer, gave him a kiss on the cheek and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Yes Horo. I am happy." He turned to look Horo in the face and smiled. Horo smiled back then leaned forward and began to kiss him passionately. Horo fell backwards onto the breakfast booth's bench with Ren on top of him, still kissing.

"I love you," Ren said quietly, the words now easier to say but any louder would do them injustice. They were for Horo's ears only.

"I love you too," Horo replied.

They returned to their kissing and it was promising to be a very good make out session when it was interrupted by a loud noise. They both ignored it and continued. Then Ren looked up and froze.

"Why'd you stop?" Horo asked from underneath him.

Ren's entire face went red and he tried to get away from Horo who held him tightly.

"Ren-"

"Isn't it a bit early to be making out in your kitchen?" A voice said causing Horo to groan and release Ren who scrambled away. Horo sat up and turned abruptly to face his sister, Prika.

"What it gods name are you doing in my house?" Ren said from his seat regaining his foul temper.

"Horo asked me to deliver some of his stuff from home," Prika answered giving Ren a longing look which Ren tired to ignore.

"How did you get in?" he said through gritted teeth.

Prika held up Horo's key. "I borrowed his key."

"So _that's_ where that went," Horo said.

Ren gave him a nasty look. "Horo, you don't leave that key lying around. Its bound to cause annoying interruptions like that one." He pointed at Prika who pouted.

"Would you rather she rang the doorbell?" Horo asked.

"Gah!" Ren made strangling motions with his hands and sat back to fume over his hatred of the blasted doorbell.

"Thanks, Prika. Now you can leave," Horo said getting up and leading her from the kitchen. Their conversation quite audible.

"Can't I stay for breakfast?"

"No."

"You're so mean nii-chan. After all the help I was getting your stuff here."

"And I will repay you some other time. Now get out."

"Fine." And the door closed.

Horo came back into the kitchen swing his key around on his finger and pushing a box with his foot.

Ren looked at him, then at the box. "So what's in there?"

"Just some stuff I want to keep that's all. Childhood stuff," answered Horo.

"I see." Ren got up and went over to it. "Can I see?"

"No," Horo said quickly.

Ren smiled mischievously. "Why is there some other stuffed animal in there like the one upstairs?"

The one upstairs was the white rabbit with blue eyes that had belonged to Horo and was known to be one of the sources of Ren's mental problems when he was alone. It was sitting on a dresser next to a purple rabbit with yellow eyes. Its partner in life.

"No," Horo said again.

Ren dropped to his knees to open the box and Horo didn't object. He rummaged around inside and pulled out a bear. "Aha see!" He held it up to Horo.

"Teddy!" Horo exclaimed. He grabbed it and hugged it tightly. Fighting the urge to laugh Ren looked back at the box.

Inside were a few memento's mostly Ainu carvings, some paper and photographs. He pulled out a photo of him, Horo, Yoh, Ryu, Chocolove, and Manta. It was an old picture from when they were kids but it made Ren smile.

In the photo Ren was threatening Horo as usual, Horo was attempting to fight back. Everyone had etched away from Chocolove who was standing alone, apparently talking to himself and Ryu was combing his hair. Yoh and Manta were sitting on the ground lazily laughing. The sun shone in the background. Even the expression of murder on Ren's face in the photo was hiding the happy expression waiting to break free of its chains.

He returned it took the box and his eyes fell on a small box. He reached for it but Horo snatched it away. "Nahuh. You can looking in the big box but not his one."

"Why is it some secret treasure?" Ren asked.

"Uh yes. And you can't see." He backed away and Ren stood up. "Come on Horo. I won't laugh. I promise."

Horo shook his head. "Nope.

"Come on."

"No."

"Horo."

"Ren."

"Just let me look."

"Uhuh."

"Just open the box."

"Nope."

"Do it."

"No."

"Open it."

"No."

Ren made a face. Horo's reluctance to show him what was inside only heightened his curiosity as to what was inside. "Fine," Ren said folding his arms. "Don't show me."

"Aw Ren, don't be like that."

Horo came closer. When he was in reach Ren made wild grabs for the box and almost had it. Horo held it out of his reach and they grappled for it. Eventually they trapped and landed sprawled out on the floor which just made it easier for Ren to force the box open.

Inside was a beautifully crafted gold ring with Ainu markings. It was slightly mesmerizing. And it looked brand new. No wonder Horo didn't want him to look or touch it.

Ren continued to stare at it before saying. "What's it for?"

"Must it have a purpose?" Horo asked.

"Well I just figure something of this quality would have some deep meaning," Ren said.

"Ok, you got me there. It has a purpose."

"What is it?" Ren looked down at Horo who was staring up at him lovingly.

"Will you marry me?"

". . ."

Ren released Horo and jumped upwards and backwards away from him. Horo sat up and looked at him puzzled. Ren adverted his gaze. "Why are you asking me this?" He said awkwardly after a few minutes.

"Because I love you and I want to be with you always," Horo replied as though it was the most obviously answer in the world.

"Can't we do that without getting married?" Ren asked.

Horo continued to look at him puzzled.

Ren took a deep breath and said, "Getting married is evil. Marriage is a trap for couples to bind them together and then rip them apart. Marriages don't last forever. And I don't want to be chained."

"Oh Ren it wouldn't be like that," Horo said getting to his feet.

"How do you know?" Ren shot at him. "It could all change if we got married. It'll all go down the drain when you become negligent and make me your slave."

"I would never do that too you, Ren," Horo said looking hurt. "You should know that by now."

"I do. But things change. People change. I'm unstable enough without becoming your slave."

Horo sighed. "So your answer is no?"

Ren nodded.

"For now?" Horo asked.

Ren didn't say anything for a second but then answered. "I'm not getting married."

"Fine." Horo stomped past him, placed the ring in the box and stomped up the stairs to their room and slammed the door. Ren actually cringed.

He hadn't made Horo that angry in a while. He had avoided doing so fearing that he would leave. And as much as he wanted to make Horo happy, Horo had to understand that there was some things Ren wouldn't do and he had to respect that or their relationship would never work despite their best efforts to make it.

Ren looked over at the table with their forgot breakfast. He went to it and threw the pancakes in the garbage and placed the dishes in the sink not quite in the mood to clean them. He then wandered into the living room and plopped down onto the couch.

_For now?_

Horo had asked that as though Ren would give in eventually. Just like he had given into to his feelings for they were his salvation for his insanity and because of Horo's persistence, and cause he did love him. And since he knew Horo like he did, he had a sneaking suspicion that Horo was going to do everything in his power to bring Ren over to his side on the idea of marriage.

Ren groaned. That was not a comforting thought. Was he trying to make him go insane again? Knowing Horo, he was probably the only person who could drive him insane and get away with it.

**Ashuri: and so that is the end to chapter one. Please leave a review. I want to know what you think.**


	2. Lunch with Jun

**Ashuri: so I decided to get a move on and write chapter two. Thanks to those who reviewed I hope you keep reading it and I hope others will enjoy it as well.**

**Horo and Ren: she does not own Shaman King.**

Chapter Two: Lunch with Jun.

Horo and Ren basically avoided each other for the rest of the morning. Ren was quite certain that Horo was mad at him for his insensitivity to the situation and was probably thinking up some evil scheme to get Ren to marry him, and Ren didn't want to make Horo get even angrier with him thus making him angry and maybe making him leave.

Ren was trying to avoid that at all costs. He figured it was somewhat pathetic but he didn't really want to repeat any past experiences that had happened when Horo left because it was horrible and it would drive him insane. Thus he spent the morning on the couch alone and wondering what he was going to do.

Around midday he remember that he had promised Jun that he would go see her for lunch and therefor had to get off the couch, climb the stairs to his room which was deserted to get dressed. When he had finished he realized that Horo was in the bathroom presumably having just finished having a shower and the door was open slightly.

He went over to it and said through the door, "Horo, um I promised Jun I would meet her for lunch so I have to go out for a while."

"Ok," replied Horo.

"I'll be back soon," Ren said.

"Alright," answered Horo.

Even though Horo's cold responses made him feel slightly disgruntled he said goodbye as pleasantly as he could and left. He decided to walk there as he was in no particular hurry to meet his sibling. He would rather have avoided it and done something else.

When he arrived at the Chinese restaurant Jun was already seated at a table. He had arrived later then he had anticipated even by walking. She looked up at him from the menu when he sat down and said hello before returning to it. He was about to pick up his own when a couple in the corner caught his eye.

It was a young couple, married as he could see wedding bands on their fingers. They were laughing, drinking some sort of an alcoholic beverage, and enjoying themselves. They seemed to be quite happy. Ren couldn't tell if it was genuine or forced and faked. He watched them for quite some time and the happiness never wavered.

A piece of paper hit him on the cheek and he slowly turned his face to his sister.

Jun said, "Its time to order, Ren."

Ren quickly looked at his menu and quickly ordered something. Even though he was hungry he really wasn't in the mood to eat.

"So Ren, where's Horo? You're hardly without him these days," She asked handing the waiter her menu.

"I didn't invite him," Ren said gloomily.

"Why not? Did you two have a fight?"

"No! Well not really. I guess."

"What do you mean, _you guess_?" Jun probed.

Ren looked down at the table. "He asked me to marry him."

"Oh Ren, that's wonderful!" She said happily.

Ren looked at her. "No, it isn't."

"Why not?"

"Marriage is a trap. It ruins relationships. We're all happy in the beginning and then BOOM we're depressed and alone."

"So I take it your answer was no?"

"I have no wish to be chained nor to be his slave. Besides three out of five marriages end in divorce so why not spare us the grief and not do it," Ren said.

"You could be the lucky ones. Besides you don't know that it'll end up like that," said Jun taking a sip of her drink.

"I'm sure it will."

"Ren, Horo loves you. He would never treat you like his slave. And considering how hard he worked to get you to love him I highly doubt he'd let your marriage go to shambles. How could you even think that?"

"Dreams," Ren said.

"Dreams?"

He nodded. "Before I was diagnosed insane, I had a series of weird dreams caused by that stupid rabbit. So far two of the three within the first dream have come true. It happened on valentines day the month before I went to D.I.M.I and some time after we got together the bar scene happened. So its only a matter of time before I become his slave in a flowered apron while he spends his time snow boarding!" He said this last part quite loudly and some of the people in the restaurant looked at him for a moment before returning to their meals.

"It won't happen unless you let it happen," Jun answered as though wondering if her brother was still insane.

"Which is why I won't get married," retorted Ren.

"Come on, Ren. I'm sure nothing of that sort will happen. I'm sure you'll be quite happy. Look at Yoh and Anna." This was said in reference to the fact that Yoh and Anna had been properly married four months ago.

"That is the worst example you could have given me," said Ren. Every time he and Horo saw Yoh after their marriage he kept wondering if he would ever see him alive again.

"Ok what about oka-san and oto-san?" Jun suggested.

"Another bad example," answered Ren sipping his own drink. He hadn't had much contact with his family save for Jun over the last few years and had completely left them out of the loop concerning his and Horo's relationship. He was sure his father would die of shock.

"What about Faust and Eliza then?" she said trying again.

"Faust went crazy when she died. What do you think will happy to me if something like that happens? I can barely keep it together if he's gone for two days," Ren said incredulously.

"I thought you were getting better?" she asked as their food arrived.

"I am but it's still hard." He took a few bites of his food. "If we were to marry and he died or we got divorced I would go insane. And there would be nothing to stop me from doing so. I would be bolted shut within an inescapable room in D.I.M.I."

"Ren, I'm sure Horo would stop you from going insane even if you got divorced. Because just cause you got divorced doesn't mean he still wouldn't love you," Jun replied quietly. "He really does love you. And all he wants is to be with you forever."

"We can still be together without being married," he answered.

"That's not the point Ren."

"Look ne-san, marriage is a binding contract where in we are chained by laws and unable to do as we please. I prefer being free then to be chained."

"Horo's not trying to chain you, Ren. He wants to show that he is yours and yours alone and that you are his," Jun said in exasperation.

"He doesn't need a wedding ring to prove that," answered Ren quietly.

"Have you even seen the ring?" asked Jun.

"Yes," he said slowly.

"And?"

"Its very nice," he said with some difficultly. "It must have taken some time to make."

"And do you think someone who wanted to make you his slave and possibly throw it all way would have something like that made?"

Ren shook his head slowly.

"Then I think you should revise your answer," Jun started to eat her food while Ren sat there quietly.

He cast a look at the married couple in the corner and could almost picture himself and Horo that happy but not as stupid looking. He didn't need marriage to be happy why couldn't anyone understand that?

"No," he said finally.

"No what?" Jun asked.

"I'm not going to revise my answer. It will stay as it is," Ren answered.

Jun looked at him sadly. "Ren, you know you're going to give in. Why not do it sooner rather then later?"

"I will not give into this," Ren hissed. "There are some things I won't do and he has to understand that."

"He understands more then you think. Why do you think he waited for you for so long?" Jun hissed back. "All he wants is to be with you forever and at the first sign of that you threw it back in his face. You know he's going to try again and he know you're going to say no. And after constant rejection do you really think he'll come back this time?"

Ren stood up from his seat and gave his sister an evil look. "Thanks for being so supportive." And he walked out of the restaurant without even finishing his meal and leaving Jun to pay the bill.

As he walked the sky became cloudy and dark as though threatening to rain. It reflected Ren's feelings. He loved Horo everyone knew that. He wanted to be with Horo, everyone knew that too. He didn't want to push Horo away, all he wanted was to live peacefully together. Well as close to peaceful as you could get in his house.

He didn't understand why they needed to be so pushy when it came to getting Ren to do something he didn't want. Also Horo's persistence had never been a good thing for him, normally always making him crack in the end. But this, he refused to give into. This time he would fight and he prayed to the gods that he didn't go insane.

Ren hadn't been paying attention to where he was walking and had received a huge shock when he found himself outside his house. There he took a deep breath and braced himself wearing a look he normally would have before falling in love and went inside. There he found a note saying Horo had gone out and would be back soon. He breathed a sigh of relief and at the same time felt disappointed.

He wandered around the house looking for something to do until he return. He cleaned the breakfast dishes and then unable to find something else to do made a mess in the living room just to give him something to go. He was just about finished when the door opened and Horo entered.

They locked eyes for a moment after Horo had shut the door. Whatever small amount of resistance he had obtained had all but left him as he looked at his boyfriend of whom he couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

They kinda just stood there before Horo asked. "So how was lunch?"

"Um . . . ok I guess," replied Ren.

"How's Jun?"

"As well as can be expected."

It was like they were trying to be nice to each other and it was nerve racking. Ren would have preferred their arguing to this, like the time Horo had first told him he loved him and Ren had been very angry and wanted to hurt him. But this time he was neither angry nor did he want to hurt him. Which was probably a first.

Horo came over to him and gave him a hug. Ren was so confused. He had no idea what was going on so he kind of just stood there. When they separated Horo had a very mischievous grin on his face. That was not a good sign.

"What's with the smile?" Ren asked tentatively.

"You know how when I told you I love you and that I would make you love me in the end?" Horo asked.

"Yeah," Ren said not liking where this was going.

"Well I'm going to do the same thing this time. You will marry me in then end."

"Dammit Horo! Why are you so persistent?"

Horo laughed.

**Ashuri: and that was chapter two. Hope you liked it. The way I'm writing this seems similar to how I wrote OOA so I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I hope it will vary so its not the same thing over and over again.**

**Anyway, questions, comments, ideas? Please leave a review.**


	3. Shopping Woes

**Ashuri: so after, four months, here is chapter three. Sorry for the long delay, school was very hectic, but now I've graduated so its all good. So I hope you like this chapter as much as you liked the last two or even OOA.**

**Horo and Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter three: Shopping Woes.

The next few weeks were agonizing for Ren. Not only did they go by terribly slow, but it seemed that at every possible moment, every second when his mind shifted to some other task, Horo was there to distract him and trying to force his mind to accept his view of things.

Several times just to avoid him, Ren locked himself in the bathroom and let the shower run to make enough noise to drown Horo out. But it didn't stop him and all it did was annoy Ren because the water bill was so much higher then normal, and made him feel bad for avoiding Horo.

Horo of course noticed these attempts at avoidance, but figured it was more due to his bout of insanity then his attempts to change his mind.

To Ren it seemed that Horo's bout of stupidity had reached higher levels that he wouldn't have thought were even possible.

At the end of one terribly long week, it was time for Ren to do some grocery shopping. Horo, as always, tagged along, being more of nuisance then a help, saying he didn't like something that Ren picked up and badgering him to get something else. If he didn't like something, Ren put it in the cart anyway, if he wanted something, Ren didn't notice _him_ placing it in the cart.

Ren was very tired. It took a lot of effort to stand there and quickly browse the label of something before putting in the cart, and to push the thing around. He had been plagued by nightmares again, and Horo's childlike behaviour toward the whole marriage thing was wearing him out, his attempts to avoid it were also wearing him out.

He didn't know what to do. Once Horo set his mind on something he didn't let up. And it took a lot of resistance for Ren to not yell at him to shut up and leave him the hell alone. Cause he knew if he said that, everything would end right there and then. Horo would not come back.

Therefore _Ren_ would be the cause of his _own_ insanity.

Pushing the cart down an aisle marked _Soup and Sauces_, he heard Horo make a noise beside him. "What is it now?" he asked wearily.

"I don't like soup," Horo replied.

Ren bit back the retort he used every time Horo made that statement and instead said, "I know. I'm getting some pasta sauce."

"Oh," Horo said cheerfully. "Good."

Ren pushed the cart a few feet and looked down at the sauce cans. There his mind just zoned out and he totally forgot what he was doing and where he was, his body aching for sleep, though the notion that he was supposed to be doing something lingered slightly.

"Uh, Ren?"

Ren blinked and looked at Horo. "What?" he said grabbing a sauce can.

Horo raised an eyebrow. "Uh, nothing."

Ren sighed and placed the can in the cart and moved on. Horo lagging behind.

He passed by a few aisle's and they arrived in the bakery section. Ren moved along grabbing bread and a few other things, though this time noticing Horo start to place about two packs of donuts in the cart.

Even though Ren liked to keep his rather perfect physic, he too like to indulge in the occasional donut or fatty food, but most of the time preferred healthy food full of protein, and vegetables, and therefor did not condone the sitting on one's ass eating two packs of donuts in front of the t.v. Unless one planned to do a lot of exercising to remove the excess weight gain.

"What are you doing?" Ren asked.

"Just getting some snacks. For later," replied Horo, slightly surprised Ren noticed, considering he hadn't noticed the ice-cream, the ten chocolate bars, the Dorito's, and the strawberry cheesecake. He figured he could get away with it all.

Having noticed the donuts, he now looked at all the stuff added to his otherwise healthy food laden shopping cart. "You're going to get fat," Ren said and then quickly brought a hand to his mouth to somehow disguise the fact that he had said something insulting.

Surprisingly Horo didn't find it that insulting. "But you'd love me anyway, right Ren?"

Ren nodded hurriedly.

"So there's no problem then." And he dropped the packages in the cart.

Ren cringed at the thought of Horo eating all that food and letting his body go to waste. "But-but it's not good for you," he stammered.

"I didn't say I was going to eat it all today-" Ren gave a small sigh of relief. "-maybe just the donuts and the cheesecake."

Ren groaned.

"What?"

Ren just shook his head and pulled the donuts, and the other items Horo wanted from the cart and started to walk away with them.

"Aw Ren. Hey come back here." Horo ran after him. "Its just a few things. Come on Ren."

"These things will make you look like a cow cause you're going to eat them in one day!" Ren hissed. "Look at me, I'm Horo, I like to eat and look like a fat, fat sea cow! Moo!"

He knew he was over reacting about the food, but he was just too tired to care. He shoved the Dorito's on a shelf along with the chocolate bar's and proceeded to the frozen goods section.

"I'm not going to get fat," Horo said defensively.

"Yes you are," Ren said.

"Can't I just have one?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No." "Please?"

"No."

"Just the donuts?"

"No!"

"Hand them over Ren."

"No!" Ren deposited the ice-cream and cheesecake in the frozen goods section and held the donuts protectively. "In my house there are certain rules," Ren started.

"_Our _house," Horo said quietly.

"And you will abide by them. Therefor you will eat healthy food, the food I provide."

Horo looked at the ceiling. "Its just a pack of donuts, Ren."

"Correction. It is _two_ packs of donuts. You have a very bad eating habit Horo. It's time to break you of it. Before you get _fat_."

"Ren, I think you're really tired. Why don't you go take a nap?" Horo suggested tentatively.

"My tiredness had nothing to do with your eating habit," Ren answered, his voice slightly higher then normal, attracting stares from passers by.

"Okay. Just calm down."

"Calm? I am calm," Ren said.

"Ren, you're going hysterical," Horo said trying to use a soothing voice to not drive Ren over the edge.

"Well if I'm hysterical then its your fault!"

"My fault?" Horo asked.

"Yes. Your fault," he answered.

"How is it my fault?"

"You-you totally disregard anything I say," Ren started, walking a few steps to the left his eyes on the ceiling thinking of what to say. "Any suggestion for the betterment of you health goes in one ear and out the other. Yeah it does. So-so why do I even bother trying?" He threw his arms out to the sides slightly as though suggesting something, dropping one of the donut packs and kicking it off to the side.

"Why? Why do I try hm? Tell me. Why do I try?"

"Because you love me," Horo said, wincing because Ren was making a scene and everyone was staring.

Ren laughed. "Yes, yes. That's it. Because I love you. Right." He smiled for a minute before chucking the other donut pack at Horo's chest.

"I love you god damn it and this is how you repay me!? By-by totally disregarding anything I say and trying to force me to marry you!? What kind of heartless creature are you!? Did you ever stop to think that I would have my reasons for not wanting to get married, or-or that there are alternatives!? No! Because Horo is the smartest person in the entire universe and his word is law!"

Silence followed this outburst, which was broken by a little girl tugging on her mother's arm and askin,. "Is that man crazy mummy?"

Ren whirled around to look at her which startled the group of people watching them. "Yes I am crazy. Thank you for asking," he said with a smile which faded just as quickly as it appeared and he stomped off to find his cart and finish his shopping.

As he did so, he noticed people skirting around him in the aisle to avoid him, and he heard that someone had called the police to have him removed from the store. But Ren planned to be finished and gone by the time they got there.

Horo had disappeared and had presumably gone to wait by the car, so with no more distractions, Ren quickly finished his shopping and paid for them then went out to the car. He emptied the groceries into the car and returned the cart to the store. When he returned he found Horo waiting, his eyes on the ground.

Ren didn't regret anything he had said. He thoroughly felt that Horo deserved the lashing he got, and he hoped would think twice about his actions. But in the end he knew his hoping would be useless.

He walked to the drivers side and unlocked the car and gruffly told Horo to "Get in," and climbed in himself. Starting the car he noticed that Horo had climbed into the backseat. It sort of made him feel like a chauffeur, and it felt odd to have him back there instead of beside him, but nonetheless felt rather pleased about his insane outburst.

Ren reversed the car and drove from the parking lot, and glanced at Horo in the rear-view mirror. Horo had his face hidden behind a hand that was connected to an arm leaning against the window. Ren sighed and returned his eyes to the street.

The drive home was silent.

**Ashuri: I do so love making Ren act crazy in public. It's quite fun. I don't know why I made them fight over food. Guess Ren just needed something start an argument over.**

**Anyway, questions, comments, ideas? Please leave a review.**


	4. Insanely Jealous

**Ashuri: I am so sorry. It's been almost eight months without an update and I said I was. (Bows) I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you a promise. I got laid off in January and now I have all the time in the world. So hopefully there'll be more updates, if your all still interested. Thank you all for the reviews =D So um here you go.**

**Horo and Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter four: Insane Jealousy.

By the time they had returned home, they still had not uttered one word to each other. Ren was still quite satisfied with his little outburst and Horo it seemed had nothing to say on the subject, which was first.

It didn't really bother Ren as much as it should have. He felt the silence was some what comforting, especially after the annoyance of the last few weeks, and that maybe this silence would make Horo rethink his actions just a bit and things would go back to normal. However Ren knew Horo a little too well.

And that thought was stretching reality a little too far.

Parking the car, Ren exited it and retrieved the things from the trunk. Horo stood idly by, not offering his help. Making a disgruntled noise, Ren roughly shoved some of the bags into his arms, grabbed the rest and went to unlock the door.

Silent and angry or not, Horo was going to help out.

They took the stuff into the kitchen and Ren set about putting things in their proper place and Horo retreated to the living room where he sat on the couch and returned his hand to his face, hiding his eyes and was either staring at the wall across from him or the floor.

In any other case this would have made Ren go and comfort him, but there was nothing to say about it now.

In fact, Ren had figured that Horo would immediately run off to Yoh's, which he seemed prone to doing, if something happened that he couldn't deal with. Which is where he had thought he had gone when he couldn't find him in the store.

If Horo had a problem with Ren, he went to Yoh. What Yoh could do about the situation, Ren didn't know. Give some boring ass speech about how Ren was Ren and that they shouldn't fight and la de da.

Ren didn't see how Yoh could help Horo at all. Actually he didn't think anyone could help him or their relationship. He more then figured they were beyond help at this point. And he rather Horo go elsewhere then Yoh's.

Standing there at the counter, a small sudden realization dawned on him. This made him embarrassed and feel quite childish, and over all very stupid.

He didn't like Horo going to Yoh's.

Ren clamped his palm to his forehead and muttered, "What are you, a girl? He's your friend. He's not going to do anything."

It was so stupid, so pathetic, so-

"Ren."

Ren removed his palm from his face and looked over at Horo as he entered the kitchen, with a very solemn look on his face. "What?" Ren snapped, a little more forcefully then he intended.

Horo took a breath and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the store and everything else. But I think that maybe we should take a break for a little while." This sentence was said very slowly and carefully in fear that Ren would attack him.

Ren just looked at him. The word _break_ not registering with his brain.

"The reason I say that is, we're both obviously confused and stuck on what we want, and maybe we should take sometime to think it over and then I won't be pushy and you won't cause scenes in stores," Horo finished.

Ren continued to stare. He couldn't bring himself to say something.

"So um, I'm going to go to Yoh's," Horo said turning slightly.

Ren pulled out of his silent state, with angry, jealous face and tone. "Yoh. Why is it always Yoh? Seriously I think you spend more time there with him then you do with me."

Horo turned and looked at him clearly surprised. "What? He's my friend, why wouldn't I see him?"

"Are you sure he's just a friend?" Ren sneered. "Maybe it's a little more. Maybe you say your going there but then you meet him elsewhere for a little _jig-jig_ in the park hm?" He almost slapped himself for using a Sweeney Todd reference._ Damn that soundtrack_, he thought.

"Ren, you're over reacting. We are friends. And besides he's married," answered Horo as though Ren had forgotten that little detail.

"That doesn't mean squat,d" said Ren. "Married people cheat all the time, on other married people or non married people, because they're unhappy in their relationship. And I can think of no one as unhappy as Yoh being married to that woman."

"It never bothered you before," said Horo.

"I didn't think about it before, and now that I have I realized that I don't like it," responded Ren. "Not one bit."

"Well it shouldn't. Nothing is going to happen. I am severely devoted to you," answered Horo. "No one else will ever take your place."

Ren shoved this statement aside. "How am I supposed to know that when you run off to him every time something goes wrong? He's like your rebound buddy or something!"

"Ren, you're throwing things way out of context."

"You're both like, '_Whoo, lets be with two people at the same time because we're dumb and don't know what monogamy is,_'" said Ren, ignoring Horo's last statement.

"Mono-whatsit?" Horo tried.

"Exactly. Case it point," stated Ren.

"That doesn't prove anything," Horo said angrily. "Just cause I don't know what a word is doesn't mean I want to be with someone else while I'm with you. I want to be with you and no one else, I just think we need to work on our relationship again because-"

"You're trying to force me to marry you," interrupted Ren.

"-you're not willing to try something different beyond your comfort zone," Horo finished, folding his arms and giving a semi-mean look to Ren.

"Don't you dare turn me into the enemy Horo," growled Ren. "I have been more then accommodating about stepping out of my comfort zone. And if I hadn't you wouldn't be here. You'd be living on the street or living with dear old Yoh as you so seemingly want to do."

"God Ren, just drop. I don't want to be with Yoh!" Horo insisted.

"Then why go there?"

"Cause he's my friend, and sometimes I need to get away from you, cause your insane!" said Horo, his voice rising.

"And you're just figuring this out now?" said Ren with a laugh.

Horo threw his arms up in exasperation and turned towards the door. "You're driving me insane!"

Still laughing Ren said, "Ha. Join the club, we've got jackets."

Horo grumbled something and Ren watched him walk to the door. As he did so, his mouth went dry and a sickening feeling over took him, but his anger and jealously beat it down. He still followed Horo to the door.

"I'm going," Horo said.

"That's right you run off to Yoh's," Ren sneered, his arms crossed.

"Don't you ever get tired of me leaving?" Horo then asked.

"No because you always come back," answered Ren.

"Well one day I won't."

Ren laughed again. "Yeah sure okay."

Horo rolled his eyes. "I'll return when you've stopped being stupid and insanely jealous." He pulled the door open.

"I am not jealous," retorted Ren.

"Yeah sure okay," mimicked Horo.

"Besides all you do is run away," said Ren.

"Because all you do is push me away," retorted Horo.

"Then don't try to get me to do things I don't want to do."

"It's a symbol of love, Ren."

"No it's a symbol of entrapment," answered Ren.

Horo sighed angrily. "Same fight all the time."

"And who's fault is that?"

"Yours."

"It is not. Its yours you big lummox."

Horo sighed again. "I'm leaving."

"Good. Get out of here."

Horo walked out the door and Ren stood in the doorway, with a very insane look on his face, he was defiantly not in the right mind anymore. He didn't understand the whole obsession with leaving and going to Yoh's. Or rather he wanted to pretend he didn't.

Once Horo had disappeared from his line of sight, he closed the door and walked around a bit.

"Well why? Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox. And we're going to have a lovely garden party and you're not invited. Hee."

Ren stopped walking. _Damn movies_.

He looked at the door and then around the house. It was silent and empty like a tomb. He stood there for a long time. Jealousy and anger ebbing away, it always seemed to happen to late. After Horo had left because it was the only thing Horo could do. Angry Ren equalled bad Ren.

Ren sighed. It had been a long time since a fight of this magnitude and even longer since Horo had actually left him. The arguing needed to stop and he didn't think that marrying him would solve anything, it would just make it worse.

Finally he moved and sat on the couch. What was he going to do now, his anger may have left but Horo's was still there and nothing he said right then would make a difference. He would have to come up with some sort of plan to make Horo understand or at least fix things.

He sighed again. He didn't know what to do. He needed a plan but he couldn't think of a plan yet because he had to make sure he didn't go insane within the next few days. It was going to be hard work, but he needed to patch things up.

Ren sat in silence, no longer comfortable with there, missing Horo's rambunctiousness. A single though crossed his mind.

_Ren, you're a dumbass._

**Ashuri: well there you go. Its short, I'm sorry. But I don't have many ideas right now I need to think of something. But you can help.**

**What would you like to see happen next?**

**References: jig-jig from the song alms!alms! From the sweeney todd soundtrack, its not in the movie. And the lummox lines are from Pirates of the Caribbean three.**

**Anyway, questions, comments, ideas? Please leave a review.**


	5. Stricken Hamarikyu Gardens

**Ashuri: heh so much for regular updates huh? I try but I run out of things to type or I get busy. I had all the time in the world but nope. I got a new job lol anyway, thanks for the reviews and for all those who read this and like it. You have no idea how much it means to me. Anyway here you go, four months since the last update, chapter five.**

**Ren and Horo: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Five: Stricken (Hamarikyu Gardens).

It had been about four days since Horo had run off to Yoh's. Ren was counting. Counting and crossing off each day in red sharpie on the calendar. Each 'X' getting bigger and messier then the one previous, which would in some way show one's emotions and nerves getting out of hand.

He had been unable to think of a plan to fix their current situation and had resorted to wandering aimlessly around the house, making messes just to clean them, and listening to the radio, which he did a lot, though it made him angry.

Once he actually called the radio station and told them that they better play better music or he'd hunt them down and kill them, however, this didn't go over well with the radio station and he almost got arrested for threatening them. The station now made jokes at his dispense.

How cruel the world was.

Not only that, he hadn't had any contact with anyone in those four days. Not one. No friends, not even Jun had bothered to phone him up in his four days of solitude. He wondered if his friends even liked him at all.

Ren was a ticking time bomb. The smallest things set him off because he couldn't find a small amount of peace or anything to cheer him up. His annoyance level was at an all time high and if he didn't find something to make it better it wouldn't be long before he cracked again all together.

Though before he did that he dearly longed to '_junk-punch him in his man business_' and while he was howling '_Why!?_'yell, '_You know why!_' He saw it in a movie and figured it would be a fun thing to do if ever the situation called for it.

As the fifth day rolled around, Ren found he could no longer be in the house. It depressed him to say the least, his _psychotic, solitary, confinement_, in which he lived out his boring ass life. And so he finally dressed and left the house.

The open space of the outside seemed to comfort him at once as he set off towards _Hamarikyu Gardens_, a park where one was surrounded by nature. It as the middle of fall and the leaves had turned to their autumn colours and a slight breeze blew fallen leaves around. It was crisp and clear and it smelled pretty nice too.

Leaving the house was a pretty good idea indeed.

Ren seated himself on a bench and looked around. The park was filled with people, families, friends and couples. Ren's eyes followed every couple that walked within his line of sight.

They were happy. They were holding hands, laughing, talking, kissing. They enjoyed being with the other, there were no unhappy people in sight. It sent a very sharp pain through Ren's heart.

Looking at his hands, he fought back the urge to cry. He never cried in public and he wasn't about to start. Truth be told he had cried in front of Horo once, but he had been very emotional at the time and well things happen.

All the love in the air was making him feel even worse about his problem with Horo. Not only the fact that they almost couldn't agree on anything but that they seemed prone to driving each other away.

They, meaning _Ren_.

But they both had been brought to a stand still. If even after this break they got back together, they still would not budge and they'd be back where they had started. Horo would want to get married and Ren would say no. Neither would back down.

Ren had tried to think of a way to meet him halfway and find some common ground, but the only thing he could think of was domestic partnerships or common-law marriage. Though the latter was in some cases legally binding and that scared him too.

He figured Horo wouldn't care for either of them because it was virtually the same thing they were doing now. And by doing research Ren figured they had a common-law marriage anyway because they had been together for so long but obviously had failed to use the proper terms, _husband and husband_. So it was sort of like that.

It all basically confused him and he didn't purse either option anymore.

Sighing, he leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes. Breathing slowly he tried to get himself to relax for thinking about it had made him even more upset. He cleared his mind and focussed on nothing. Till a very familiar laugh broke through.

Looking around Ren waited for the sound again. It sounded again. He got up, curious and followed it. Someways away from his bench, he stopped behind a tree and looked around.

A sickening feeling welled up inside his stomach.

Stretched out on the grass like a bunch of freeloaders was, Manta, Ryu, Chocolove, Yoh and Horo, lazing about and laughing about god know's what.

They all seemed to be having a good time, and what pissed Ren off the most was not that he hadn't been invited, though it did miff him just a bit, was that Horo showed no signs that their separation or fight had hurt him in anyway.

And the fact that he was sitting right next to Yoh.

A low growl escaped his throat as he watched the group continue with their conversation. He wasn't close enough to hear what they were saying but it seemed like Horo had told a joke and that had set them off on something.

Ren watched them for a good ten minutes, debating whether or not he should go yell at them. He was strongly considering it. He also thought it might be a good idea to ring a few necks.

He saw Horo throw his arm around Yoh's shoulders and say something.

Ren drew a sharp breath. His blood boiled and his eyes narrowed to slits. It was a very innocent gesture between friends, he knew that, but he didn't like it, not one bit and his brain wasn't going to let him forget it.

Breathing hard he looked at the ground for a moment and spotted a rock. Picking it up he thought for a second, shrugged and whipped it at Horo's head.

There was a yell and Ren hid behind his tree.

After a moment he looked back to see Horo massaging his head and the others worried. They pointed in his direction and got up. Ren bolted. It was not within his best interests to be found standing there.

After a while he came to a halt and rubbed his face with his hands and let out a small moan. "What did you do that for Ren?" he asked himself. "If you wanted to hit someone, you could have at least hit Yoh."

He sighed again and placed his hands on his hips. This trip outside had not been a good idea. he was about to turn and leave when he heard voices.

"They must have left the park."

Ren ducked behind a tree and peered up the path at Yoh and Horo who was still massaging his head.

"Dammit. Who ever it was, was going to get seriously hurt," Horo said, sounding sort of angry and a little inquisitive.

"Aw well. Maybe some other time you'll catch them," Yoh said with a smirk.

Ren withdrew his head and leaned against the tree. He couldn't really figure out why, but the thought of them together made him feel nauseous.

The two of them continued to stand there and talk. Ren listened to their conversation. They somehow got on the topic of Ren, to which Horo deliberately diverted it to snowboarding. Apparently it seemed to be a too painful topic to talk about.

Ren began to feel angry after that. Horo was not taking anything seriously. It seemed like this was a vacation to him. A vacation away from Ren and their problems. And what a joyous vacation it was turning into.

Spying another rock on the ground, Ren picked it up. Without thinking he left the cover of his tree and stood facing the two. A not so pleasant sight greeted him. Another innocent gesture, this time by Yoh, was misconstrued by his brain.

Yoh had reached up to inspect Horo's head. After a moment Horo had pulled his hand away and sort of held it away as he said something. Yoh had replied but Horo did not withdraw his hand.

Ren's eyes flew from their faces to their hands and back again. Frozen stiff, he did not make a move until his foot shifted slightly and drew their attention to him.

Ren knew what his face looked like. It was horror struck and stricken.

Horo seemed confused for a moment but then realized where his hand was and released it. The rock fell from Ren's hand and he backed up slightly.

"Ren," Horo said taking a few steps forward.

Ren shook his head at him.

Horo repeated himself and took a few more steps forward. Shaking his head again Ren bolted and ran at top speed with Horo yelling after him, "Ren, its not what you think!"

Ren just kept running, he didn't look back he didn't look forward. He didn't care where he was going just as long as he got away from them. He ran for a very long time until he had reached the opposite end of the park which was completely empty.

He stood there, staring at the ground, panting, his heart breaking and going a mile a minute, which was pretty painful. Tears found their way to his eyes, and he found he had not the energy to stop them. He placed a hand to his mouth and started crying.

Within a few moments he felt a hand on his shoulder which he shrugged off and moved away. He didn't need to look to know who it was.

"Ren, there is nothing going on with me and Yoh," said Horo from behind him. "He was just checking to see if I was alright."

"I'll bet," Ren chocked out.

"Its not what you think," Horo said again.

Ren whirled around, his steaming eyes angry. "Oh and what would you know about that I think? Hm? Or better yet do you even care what I think? You, who hasn't bothered to at least see if I'm okay after four days and has better things to do like take a trip to the park with _our_ friends and no one bother's to even ask me to attend. You're all just sitting there, laughing, touching." Ren laughed. "Yeah, you know what I think."

"It was a simple gesture Ren. nothing more," Horo said. "You're blowing things way out of proportion."

"You sure you're not _blowing_ things instead?" Ren said with a sneer.

Horo made a face at him. "Nothing is going on between us. We are friends. You're being irrational."

"Yeah okay," Ren said.

"See Ren, this is why I said we should take a break because I can't talk to you! You don't listen!" Horo replied angrily.

"You don't listen to me either! Its all just Horo this and Horo that. You don't really consider anyone else's feelings do you?" retorted ren.

"What that-"

"You just-just decided _'oh I'm going to go to Yoh's' 'oh its okay to be with him alone and have little gestures' 'it doesn't matter that my boyfriend doesn't like it'_. Its all you and what you want! Its you and your feelings! Not mine!" Ren shouted at him, still crying.

Horo just stared at him.

"Why doesn't it matter to you what I want or what I feel? Why is it that I always have to bend over backwards to make sure everything is okay and you do squat? You should know by now that I can't deal with this!"

Ren took a few deep breaths.

"You make the problems worse Horo. There's no room to breath, I can't- I can't be in a place where I am not allowed to do what I want and where someone has to force me to bend to their ideals without some sort of compromise and where no one listens."

Horo opened his mouth to say something, but Ren shook his head.

"Its too out of proportion is it? Well, there's too much adding up to one big thing. I can't deal with this anymore." Ren looked at him sadly. "Its over Horo."

Horo's mouth fell open. "You-you don't mean that."

"Yes I do," Ren said, tears still falling down his face.

"No please. Look I can, change I will fix it please. Please don't do this," came Horo's voice breaking. Ren shook his head again. Horo ran to him and embraced him. "Please. Please don't do this. I love you. Please."

"I'm sorry," Ren cried. "I have too, I love you too but I have too. I'm sorry." He pulled out of Horo's arms and Horo latched on to one of his as he tried to walk away. Horo just kept muttering please, and Ren eventually pulled away.

"Goodbye."

He walked away, every now and then looking back at Horo who looked like his world had shattered. He did this until he could no longer see him. He eventually left the park and started the journey home.

He didn't know if he regretted this, though he felt horrible. Maybe it was the right thing to do, he didn't know. He felt like part of him had died, but he knew that he couldn't just go back.

Passing by a few houses, one of them had their radio blasting through the window.

_You don't know what your power has done to me_

_I want to know if I'll heal inside_

_I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen_

_Seeing you laughing another time_

_You'll never know how your face has haunted me_

_My very soul has to bleed this time_

_Another hole in the wall of my inner defences_

_Leaving me breathless, the reason I know_

_That I am stricken and can't let you go_

_When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know_

_That I am crippled by all that you've done_

_Into the abyss will I run..._

_Into the abyss will I run..._

**Ashuri: well I bet none of you were expecting that muah ha. lol. I wasn't either it just popped up and I figured it would be a nice twist. It happened a little fast but it was better then dragging it on. Don't worry this is not the end!**

**References:**** man-junk punch line from the movie 'what happens in Vegas' and the lyrics is 'stricken' by 'disturbed'.**

**So did you like it? Questions? Comments? Please read and review.**


	6. When in China

**Ashuri: what's this? Another update? So soon? Haha well this is what I get for reading thirty-two volumes of shaman king manga, yes I do. And I'm sad. Boo. Anyway, well thinking of things for the previous chapter I though ahead and came up with more and so here it is before I forget it and its another six months before I update. Thank you for the reviews. **

**Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Six: When in China.

Ren was having a hard time with his break up. More then once he thought he had made a very big mistake and almost called Horo to apologize. But every time he picked up the phone an image of why popped into his head, and sullenly he placed the phone down.

He was severely depressed and felt so down that against his own will, he went to see a therapist and got prescribed anti-depressants. It seemed easier to ask for something like this, after being in a mental asylum. Sometimes they helped, sometimes they didn't.

It also didn't help that Horo tried everything in his power to get a hold of Ren to try to get him to change his mind, to tell him that they could fix this, that it wasn't really over.

Ren listened to this every time, over the phone, his heart breaking more and more each time, and when Horo was done, politely telling him he was sorry and hung up the phone.

Also since Horo was careless, he was no longer allowed inside the house because A) he had forgotten his key again and B) Ren didn't think it would be a good idea.

He also had a large assortment of visitors since the break up. From Jun to Yoh. Jun was very sad for her brother and had taken what he had said about being supportive to heart and had decided to help him anyway she could, which was a comfort in of itself.

Yoh on the other, came to visit and reiterate what Horo had said. Ren found however, that he had little patience for Yoh at that point. He could listen to Horo, but Yoh made his ears bleed and he lost the willingness to listen quite fast and slammed the door in his face.

The others came to see if he was alright or to tell him he was stupid. He had lost the ability to get angry at these people due to his depression and settled for telling them to leave or closing the door in their faces.

He found he could no longer deal with the people connected to this life.

About a week and a half since the break up, Ren decided that he was going to go back to China. Truth be told he didn't care at all about his family, he just needed to get away. And there at least he wouldn't have to listen to annoying phone calls ten times a day.

He told Jun this and she agreed to help him. That help also included telling Horo he needed to come by and pick up his stuff which Ren had neatly organized into boxes, and labelled. This had been a very painful task, that he managed in a few days, though he had many breakdowns.

And because it was such a painful thing to finally admit it was the end, Ren hadn't want to be there when he arrived, but Jun said that in order to get closer he had to be present or he wouldn't be able to get over it. She would also be there, just in case.

He was in the kitchen when Horo got there.

Ren surveyed him from the kitchen door way as he greeted Jun. He looked as bad as Ren felt. Horo looked like he hadn't slept all week, his hair was a mess, there were bags under slightly bloodshot eyes. He too looked very depressed.

Horo looked over at Ren after a moment. They both locked sad eyes. "Ren," he said.

Ren cleared his throat and with some difficulty said, "You're stuff is over there," and pointed.

Horo looked. "Oh. Great." They fell silent. Ren looked away. It hurt to much.

There was some shuffling noises and Ren looked back to see Horo looking at the boxes and reading the labels. He looked like he longed to throw some sort of verbal argument at him but had failed at coming up with something to say.

He and Jun took the things outside to a truck that had been rented to take the stuff to Yoh's, which, when Ren heard this though he knew it would happen, made his blood boil slightly. When they were done, Horo came back in.

"So I suppose this is it," Horo said and Ren nodded. Horo clapped his hands together and turned.

"Wait. There's one more thing."

Ren picked something up from the counter and walked over to Horo. In his hands he held the white rabbit with blue eyes, that had once again started giving Ren nightmares, but that wasn't why he was giving it back.

"You should take this back," Ren said.

Horo looked like he had swallowed a lemon and couldn't find the words to say. As Ren held it out to him, he raised a shaky hand to it and pushed it back against Ren's chest. "No," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "It was a gift, you keep it. As a memento."

"But-"

Horo shook his head and withdrew his hand. "Its yours."

After a moment Ren nodded and held it tighter. Horo gave him a grim smile and was about to take off when he stopped. He looked at Ren for a second, debating something.

"What?" Ren said with some difficulty.

"One last thing," he said. He reached up and kissed Ren on the cheek before saying good bye and exiting the building.

Ren fought the urge to run to the doorway to watch the truck drive off. Instead he stood there listening to it. He heard it drive away and when it had disappeared he sunk to his knees, holding on to the rabbit for dear life.

_Its over_, he though. _Its all over_.

A very large realization that he was alone again came to him and he felt scared, now he was alone, now he had nothing.

He leaned over and sobbed.

A few days later, Ren flew to China and returned to the Tao family home at Mt. Jiaoshan in the Guizhou Province. Jun had decided to stay in Tokyo.

The first thing that had happened when he got there, was his mother actually hugged him. She seemed so pleased to see her only son again after so many years. "Oh Ren," she said. "How was your stay in Tokyo?"

_Stay?_ Ren thought. _It was more like life and living. I was gone for seven years._

"Fine," he grumbled, not pleased with the contact.

His mother released him and began leading him down the familiar halls towards the dinning area.

Their home had gone through a lot of changes. The dark things at had haunted his childhood, were replaced with more homey, traditional things, which Ren just felt were just odd.

"Everyone's so excited to see you," his mother said.

"I'll bet," muttered Ren.

"We can't wait to hear about your life."

"Yes. Your all _so_ interested," he muttered again.

"Did you say something dear?" she asked. "No."

They entered the dining hall and were greeted by his grandfather Zhen and his father Yuan. Seeing them again, Ren wondered why he had decided to go back to China. It seemed like a big mistake.

The other two spoke to him, saying things like he had grown and blah blah blah. Ren only half listened throwing his two cents in every now and then like he used too. Maybe the only good thing that would happen while being there, would be that he would go back to the old Ren who didn't care about love and relationships.

Midway through dinner his mother started asking questions about Tokyo. Ren answered as normally as possible and skirted around questions he absolutely did not want to answer. His favourite word became fine. He hoped they'd take the hint that he didn't want to talk, but that was expecting to much from dim-witted people.

"So Ren, do you have a girlfriend?" his grandfather asked.

Ren almost chocked on his drink. Though he figured it was coming, it seemed to come right out of thin air. "No," he chocked out.

"So, the entire time you were there you couldn't find anyone to date? At all?" Zhen asked.

"No," Ren said again.

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't care. I really don't."

"Well you should. You should get out there and meet someone while you're still young," he continued.

"He's right dear," his mother said.

"Yeah like you would know," Ren snapped. "Who are you to tell me such things?"

"Don't talk to your mother that way boy or I'll annihilate you!" Zhen said.

"Bring it on old man!" answered Ren.

"That enough you two," his mother said. "Ren, has always been one to speak his mind and so it was expected. He's also had a very tiring trip, maybe it would be best to not irritate him."

Ren smirked.

"You have a poor attitude boy," said Zhen.

"Yeah and who's fault do you think that is?" Ren said lounging back in his chair.

"Is there something you wish to say Ren?" Yuan asked.

"No. I have nothing more to say to you. Or any of you for that matter," answered Ren. He looked at his mother. "I want to go to my room."

"Of course dear," And she signalled someone to show Ren to his room.

His room hadn't changed a bit, but it seemed more like a shrine than anything. Things were dusty and dark and faded. Ren looked about the place he had abandoned several years ago and longer for his home in Tokyo. It seemed to be much more of a home then this was.

But that was because living with Horo had made it a home.

Thinking of Horo made his throat close up and he instantly felt sad. He groaned and flung himself onto his bed where the sheets had recently been changed.

He came here to forget about this, but if he kept thinking about it he would never be able to do so. It would just keep coming back.

Ren still loved him. He did, he just didn't think it would work out anymore. They were too different and neither would bend to the other one's will. It was a never ending battle. He felt that if they had both been a little more flexible things would have been different. But now they were over.

He sighed and tried to think of a time before Horo when he was happy. There had been a lot of great times but not all of them were purely happy. He tried to think of a time when Horo didn't love him, but he couldn't go to far back before he started wondering if maybe he had felt the same way but tried to hide it and obviously he had done a good job.

If he went back far enough, they were thirteen, fourteen, year olds and everything Horo did made Ren want to tear him apart. Which was virtually true for most of their life together.

No matter how much he tried to forget things, Horo would always be an important part of his life and he would never, ever, fully get over it. Maybe somewhere down the road they would become friends again or hook up. The future was a mysterious place.

Feeling extremely alone, Ren got up and dug through his luggage and pulled out the white rabbit. Looking at it, he wondered why he was always in this position.

"Well it looks like its me and you again pal."

Laying down he hugged it and gazed off out the open window and eventually an uneasy sleep took him.

Late into the night Ren woke up hungry, not having finished his meal cause he wanted to escape from his family. Grumbling slightly, he rolled out of bed and left the room. He traversed the halls and eventually wound up in the kitchen where he set about making something simple.

He had been just about to eat it when a bright light entered his face. Blinded and seeing spots Ren managed to curse out, "Dammit! Turn that fucking light off!"

"Oh Ren sweetie, its you," came his mothers voice, removing the light from his face. "What are you doing down here? Its late."

"Eating. I was hungry," Ren said blinking.

"You cooked?"

"Yes."

"But we have servants for that," she said.

"I am more then capable of taking care of myself. I have been living alone for several years," answered Ren curtly, eating.

"Alone? Ren didn't you have a roommate at least?" she inquired.

"Yeah, for a while," said Ren feeling depressed again.

"Oh who was it? Were they nice?"

"It was friend, and yeah they were for the most part."

"Which friend?" his mother pressed.

"Horokeu Usui," he replied with some difficulty.

"Oh, how is he?"

"He's fine." Ren looked down at his half eaten food and pushed it away. Suddenly he didn't seem so hungry anymore.

"Ren, what's wrong?" his mother asked gently.

"Nothing," Ren muttered.

"I'm your mother, I can tell you're suffering. What happened?"

Ren looked up at her. "Lets just say something ended."

"A relationship?" she questioned.

Ren made a face at her. He disliked pushy people. "Yes," he said through gritted teeth.

"With a friend?"

Ren nodded.

"Horokeu Usui?"

"Yes-no!" Ren said quickly.

His mother pointed at him in a 'aha' motion. "What type of relationship did you have with him?"

"We're just friends, oka-san," Ren said annoyed.

"Ah but then you wouldn't be so depressed and need antidepressants." Ren looked at her. "Jun sent us a message."

"Oh well if Jun sent you a message why don't you just go ask her what's wrong with me!" Ren said angrily.

"Because I'd rather hear it from you," his mother replied gently.

Ren sighed again. "I don't want to say," he said finally.

His mother looked at him for a moment. "You're gay Ren, aren't you?"

Ren just looked at her and in a weird voice said, "What?"

"You're gay. Homosexual. You know-"

"I know what gay means!" he said loudly. "Why would you suggest that?"

"Because you don't look at girls," she said as it was the most obvious answer in the world. "And why else would you need antidepressants over a boy if it was just friendship."

Ren mouthed words at her.

"So tell me what's going on."

"We broke up. End of story," Ren spit out.

"Oh Ren, its natural to feel depressed after a break up."

"Well duh." Then he launched into a story about Horo and how annoyingly pushy Horo was and all the things that Horo did all the way up to the break up, covering the three years of their actual lovers relationship.

He did somehow mange to leave out the fact that he was a _manically depressed paranoid psychopath with suicidal and homicidal tendencies_.

When he was done, his mother just hugged him. "Its okay sweetie. Take all the time you need to grieve."

More over shocked by how his _coming out_ had been taken he stared at her for a moment before saying. "And this doesn't bother you?"

She sighed. "Well I'll be sad for no heir or grand babies, but as long as you're happy, Ren. That's all that matters. I'm just more worried about how we should go about telling your father."

Ren made a face and gulped.

As his mother left the kitchen she said, "He's going to have a heart attack."

Ren sighed. At least things in China wouldn't be dull.

**Ashuri: whoo, alright. Chapter six is finished. I sorta of know what's going to happen next so hopefully I'll get a start on that soon. Anyway I'm tired now so of to bed.**

**Comments? Suggestions? Leave a review.**


	7. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Ashuri: well, I'm definitely taking a very long time to finish this. I know a lot of things are going on but I am determined to finish it one way for another. I'm glad that everyone is enjoying it! And so here we go.**

**Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Seven: Down the Rabbit Hole.

The hallway was long. White, bright and long. It wasn't interesting in anyway and there were doors situated on each side. Dark purple doors with shiny brass handles. It was at the sight of this that Ren realized that this was no longer a place of dreams but a place of nightmares.

And that was not a comforting thought in the slightest.

"Damn it all to hell."

Giving the hall a thoroughly disgusted look, he turned and looked behind him. Something he recalled not doing the first time he had visited this place. It didn't really matter because the hallway just stretched on.

He didn't like this one bit. Pinching himself to try and wake himself up, proved useless. Ren sighed angrily. He didn't want to be here, again.

Looking at the doors he knew that the only way to make it end was to open doors until something jolted him awake. Last time it was a giant rabbit that nearly squashed him to death. And he wasn't really in a hurry to re-experience that.

Half in mind to just plop down on the ground and wait for himself to wake up, Ren was startled by the sound of footsteps coming towards him. Being as deserted as it was, it freaked him out more then normal.

He backed up slightly, as the footsteps got closer. Then deciding he didn't want to stick around and find out what it was, Ren turned and ran down the brightly lit hallway.

Ren didn't know how long he ran but he didn't notice that the hallway seemed to be changing before his eyes. The once bright hallway started to become dark and lit by torchlight. The walls became dark stone and the purple doors faded to dark red with shiny black handles.

Unsure of what was happening, Ren forgot why he was running and stopped in the middle of the hallway and stared at the doors. This hadn't happened the last time. He reached out for a handle and just as he was about to grasp it, a voice called out.

"Stop."

Ren jumped back and hit the wall across from him and looked widely around. Coming towards him was one of the strangest things he had ever seen.

It was a tall lean male, with skin as white as snow, and brilliant bright blue eyes. He was adorned in some type of suit and a cape like thing that seemed to made of stars and swirling planets. He carried a cane in his gloved hands that had a moon shaped ornament on top. He had long white hair pulled into a pony tail and poking out of a navy blue top hat was white rabbit ears.

Ren opened and closed his mouth several times and found he had lost the ability to speak.

"Hello, Ren," the thing said, in a voice that was unmistakeably Horo's.

Forcing his voice to work, Ren managed to say, "You're it aren't? That-that, stuffed rabbit he got from his sister, right?"

"I guess you could say that. But in reality, I just take the form of that because it seems to be a cause of comfort to you."

Ren laughed. "Comfort? Yeah right." He sighed and looked around again and then looked at the rabbit man. "You take its form? So, who are you?"

"I am _Morpheus_, the _God of Dreams_," it said with a bow.

"Ahuh. And let me guess, we are currently in the _Realm of Dreams_?" Ren said with a sneer.

"Correct," answered Morpheus.

"Yeah ok, and why are we here?"

"Well first off, you were to have a dream in which you saw a probable future, you weren't supposed to end up in the hallway," Morpheus explained. "I don't know exactly what happened but you seem able to bypass the gate of dreams."

Ren just stared at him. Not a word of what he was saying was making sense. This was the weirdest dream that he had ever had. "Right. And if I want to wake up?" he asked.

"You know how it works," answered Morpheus.

"Damn it," Ren sighed. "I was hopping I wouldn't have to resort to that."

"Well it is the rules. Now if you please." He gestured down the hall. "If we could return to _Dream Land_ . ."

"I thought that's where we were?"

"Well to be more specific, the _Realm of Dreams_ has three lands, _Dreams_, _Day Dreams_ and _Nightmare_. You left _Dream Land_ and entered _Nightmare Land_."

Ren blinked and muttered. "This whole thing is a Nightmare."

"And I think it would be wise," Morpheus started. "To leave before _Mania _shows up."

"Who's Maina?" asked Ren.

"The _God of Insanity_. He rules _Nightmare Land_. Cause well you know-"

"Nightmare's drive people insane, yes I get it," Ren sighed. "I bet I would feel right at home here." he said as he walked towards Morpheus.

"I think you would too, Ren."

Ren whirled around and looked behind him, cursing this dream for being so crazy.

Standing there was another tall lean man, who had white purple tinted skin and bright yellow eyes. He was also dressed it a dark suit with a cape like thing that had gold weaving's through out it, his gloveless hands showed an array of rings. He had short purple hair underneath a top hat and long purple rabbit ears.

"Hello, Ren," it said in Ren's own voice.

"Let me guess, Maina?" Ren asked in a annoyed tone.

"Correct," Maina said. "Now, Ren, if you would like to avoid horrible nightmares, I suggest you leave with Morpheus." Morpheus nodded.

Ren groaned. "Listen Rabbit's, all I want is to either sleep, or wake up. I want nothing to do with your dreams and nightmares. I don't care!"

"But you should Ren," Morpheus said.

"And why's that?"

"Cause it'll help your insanity," Mania answered.

"Yeah Ahuh sure. Like you care," answered Ren.

"And it will help you in your situation with your loved one," Mania added as though he hadn't heard Ren's answer.

"I don't want help! I want to forget it!" Ren shouted covering his ears and closing his eyes.

There was silence, then he felt himself pushed towards something. Against his will he opened his eyes and found himself staring at a red door. "No!" Ren shouted as it swung open.

_It was Christmas. Ren was alone in his house. His family had decided to go to Tokyo to visit his sister. Ren didn't quite feel like going. A servant knocked on his door and bowed. Ren inclined his slightly. The servant then deposited a box on the floor and left. Ren looked at it with interest and wandered over to it. Opening it he found presents from his friends and some letters. Slitting open one of the letters he sat down on the floor to read it. It was from Yoh and even though he didn't feel much like a friend anymore, he still felt that maybe he should know what's going on._

_ Everything seemed fine throughout the first half of the letter, but as he reached the middle it got worse. '_. . . well Anna's passing was very hard even though we had a lot of problems she was still important. Horo helped a great deal with that. And I know I shouldn't say anything but you've been separated for a while now, Horo and I, well we're dating and-_'_

_ Ren couldn't read anymore and just stared at the letter._

The door closed.

Ren screamed in anger and pain at the door. It went on for a while and eventually dissolved into sobs. "Why, why are you doing this to me!?"

"So that you realize what you've given up," Morpheus said.

"By showing me my worst nightmare!" Ren shouted.

"Exactly," Mania answered.

"Well your efforts are wasted. I already know what I've given up and I did it because it wasn't working!"

"It could have."

"No it couldn't! And it wasn't! So stop trying and let me wake up!"

"Not yet," Morpheus said. "You need to see the dreams-"

"I don't want too!"

But they weren't listening. They both grabbed his arms and dragged him forward down the hallway. Ren fought them off as best he could but their strength was very impressive and eventually he gave up.

They dragged him away from the nightmare rooms all the way back to the dream rooms.

"What's this going to prove? Honest?" Ren said. They didn't answer. They pulled him in front of a purple door and it swung open. Ren groaned.

_"I can't believe it!" Jun squealed. "I never thought you'd actually get married! I'm so happy!" And she through her arms around Ren's neck. _

_ Ren pushed her away. "You're choking me!" _

_ "I'm sorry!" she said excitedly. _

_ Ren just sighed and adjusted his tie nervously. This was also something he never thought would happen, and now that the day had arrived he was quite nervous._

_ There was a knock on the door and Yoh stuck his head in. "Are you ready?" _

_ Ren attempted to swallow his nerves and nodded. _

_ "Alright!" Yoh said with a smile. He closed the door and they heard the music start._

_ "This is it." Jun said. She opened the door and lead him down the hall towards the entrance. She then walked down the aisle and Ren waited. When the music changed he took a deep breath and turned into the room to follow._

_ His eyes went start to the alter where his eyes met Horo's and the nervousness vanished_. _He watched as Horo's face broke into a wonderful happy smile and he looked quite handsome in his suit._

_ As he walked . . ._

Ren slammed the door shut. "Yes! Yes! Okay I get it!"

"And what are you going to do about it?" Mania asked.

"Wake up and throw a fit because you're wasting my time!" Ren said.

"Did it not get through to you?" Morpheus asked.

"No."

They sighed. "We hoped we wouldn't have to resort to this."

"Resort to what?" asked Ren.

They gave him a grim smiled and transformed into their stuffed forms and took up the entire hallway. Ren shrieked and fell backwards.

"Come on Ren!" the purple one said.

Ren shook his head.

"You know you love me, Ren," the white one said.

"Ahhhhahahh!" he said loudly and got up slipped and started running away from them. He heard them thumping along behind him. "NO! No! No! No!" he said over and over again. "Come on stupid! Wake up!"

The next thing he knew he was on the floor and being squashed to death. "Nooooo!" Ren sobbed.

"You know you love me Ren!" it said.

"No! I don't! I hate you! You stupid rabbit!"

"REN!"

Ren awoke with a jolt panting. His mother sitting next to him. "It's alright, Ren. You were just having a nightmare." She said soothingly patting his head.

Ren gave her a look and said. "No shit? Really?"

He pulled away from her and got out of bed and went to the window and opened it to let the cold breeze attack his sweaty face. He sighed and leaned his head against the window frame.

"Do you want to talk about it?" his mother asked.

"No!" Ren said forcefully.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Now leave me alone!"

"Alright."

He heard her leave and then banged his head against the frame. "You and your stupid brain!" he said angrily. "Why do you have to think of such things!"

Ren sighed a couple more times and watched the sun come up. There was no point in going back to bed now, for he knew all he would focus on would be his strange dream.

And he could not get the sight of Horo, in his tux standing at the end of the aisle, out of his mind.

**Ashuri: well that's the end of that chapter. It's a very weird one. Ren's mind does horrible things to him.**

**Questions? Comments? Please leave a Review.**


	8. Have a holly jolly Christmas

**Ashuri: wow. Seven months, I am so sorry, lol. I've just been very busy and I got kinda stuck on what to write next. But I managed to come up with something. I will finish it, one way or another.**

**Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Eight: Have a Holly jolly Christmas.

Through experience, Ren believed that dreams held power, but that may have had something to do with how scared they made him. They freaked him out so much that he was willing to believe that anything would and could happen, which put him in positions that forced these things to come to fruition.

Which may have actually frightened him more then the dreams, as if it didn't happen, there was a chance that it wouldn't happen, though it normally did.

He couldn't shake the wedding dream, mostly because of how Horo looked at the end of it, dressed to perfection, and as strange as it sounded to say, the sight made him weak in the knees.

It was insane. He wondered in the off chance, if he ever did give in, would it be just to see that? Would he throw his ideals and beliefs out the window just because Horo was sex on legs in a tux and made him want to snap, attack him and molest his brains out?

These thoughts made Ren doubt he had ever achieved mental stability, but knew full well that he had left any sanity he had obtained in Tokyo, with Horo. He hadn't seem to gain anything by coming to China.

The only thing he had seemed to have gained was his independence, which had more or less vanished during the subsequent three years. This made him realize that because he loved Horo so much, and with his mental problems, he had slowly started to lose himself.

He actually took pride in his independent nature, not relying on others for things, seeking comfort when he desperately needed it, if not at all, his roaring temper and little patience for the things that annoyed him.

He was however thankful that he had learned patience. Horo was a child, piped up on sugar, at Disneyland, during Christmas. If you weren't patient, things happened. Fights happened. Though of course, his patience had its limits, it stretched far enough to deal with Horo, but anything else better stay out of his way.

He had also leaned enough to remove himself from situations he couldn't control or ones that bothered him too much to the point where it caused him pain. Hence why he was in China.

His stint in China was nearing its end. Since it no longer seemed like a home, he had started to become homesick for his home in Tokyo. He managed to stick it out till December, mainly because he was avoiding Horo's birthday. Which he had recieved an invitation to from Jun, via the telephone.

It was just one of the many phone calls he had received from her, telling him what was going on. She mentioned that Horo was depressed and not his normal cheery self and was still staying at Yoh's. Anna had gone to visit Kino with Tamao, so they were alone.

Ren had knocked over a lamp upon hearing this news and his displeasure at this was very apparent in his voice. Jun didn't go any further with the subject.

He had also recieved a call from Prika asking him, that since he broke up with Horo, if he was going to try dating the opposite sex and if he would go on a date with her. He told her in the meanest way possible, that if he would ever ever date the opposite sex, he would never ever date _her_. He actually made her cry, but he really didn't care. As far as he was concerned, she was an insensitive little prick.

She had told Horo, and according to Jun, he hadn't liked what she did and he chewed her out for it. It made Ren grin, but he then felt a little bad for causing yet another rift between them. He may not like Prika, but he didn't want to be the reason Horo's relationship with his sister should suffer.

This was also another reason he avoided Horo's birthday, though it was mainly due to the fact that he didn't want to see him again, so soon. He did send him a card though, just to be nice.

By December he figured it was now as good a time as any, so he bid his family farewell, and boarded the first available plane to Tokyo. There he drove the familiar streets to his home. The sight of it gave him a very nostalgic feeling and it looked warm and homey. Opening the door he was half expecting Horo to bombard him at the door, and was slightly sad when it didn't happen.

He walked around the lower level touching familiar items, reminding himself to clean up the dust that had settled. Moving to the upper floor, his bedroom was cold and empty. The bed made, yielding no warmth.

Depositing his bag on the floor, he threw himself upon the bed and breathed in the familiar scent of clean, and the lingering scent of Horo. He sighed as a wave of sadness over took him. He closed his eyes and tried to keep it together.

Ren somehow fell asleep and awoke a few hours later, for he remembered that he needed to return to the main floor, pulled on his coat and ventured to his car. The drive to the store was dull, though upon entering it, a few people gave him weird looks, as though remembering his out burst some months ago.

Ren sighed, grabbed a cart and walked a way. He wandered down the aisles, stopping every now and then to grab food. In the frozen good section he happened upon someone who had their head in the fridge and their cart blocking the aisle.

Ren waited impatiently for his presence to be noticed, but he went unobserved. Getting fed up, he said, "Would you move!"

The person straightened and looked at him surprised.

Ren stepped back. _Dammit all to hell_, he thought. He had run right into Horo. Pulling on his cart, Ren backed up down the aisle and fled, screaming "No! No!" repeatedly in his mind.

He had almost made it to the next aisle when he felt a hand on his arm. _Shit._ Ren stopped and looked at his ex-boyfriend.

Besides surprised, Horo looked tired and sad, with a little amount of hope glittering in his eyes. His head band was missing, so his blue hair layed messily along his forehead. Ren had always liked this look.

Ren looked him square in the eye, and then looked away. "Hi," he muttered.

"Hi," replied Horo.

There was a long awkward silence.

"When did you get back?" Horo eventually asked.

"A couple of hours ago," answered Ren, shifting uncomfortably.

"Jun, didn't say anything."

"Must have slipped her mind," said Ren, wondering what his sibling had been up to in not informing Horo.

"Oh," answered Horo.

They fell silent once more. Ren again shifted uncomfortably.

"So, how've you been?" Horo asked.

"Fine," replied Ren. "You?"

"Fine. How was China?"

"It was good."

"How's the family?" inquired Horo.

"They're fine," said Ren, not loving his short answers, but he felt so out of place that he couldn't think of anything interesting to say.

"That's good," Horo said.

Ren nodded. Once silence had taken over yet again, he slowly turned and began pushing his cart down the aisle, continuing his shopping. As expected Horo followed.

"So, are you going to the Christmas party?"

"What?" Ren asked pulling a couple of packs on noodles off the shelf.

"The annual Christmas party at . . . Anna's. You know, the one they have every year," explained Horo, omitting Yoh's name as though worried Ren would get mad about Yoh again, which he probably would've.

"Oh, right. That," said Ren, pushing his cart a few feet and stopping every now and then. He glanced at Horo who was watching him hopefully. "I uh . . . guess." he replied, against his better judgement.

"Great!" Horo said with a smile.

"Now, I have to go Christmas shopping," Ren muttered. Horo just beamed at him.

Ren continued his shopping, and Horo his, striking up a conversation at every available moment. Ren answered as best he could, trying not to sound lame.

It seemed to take a very long time to shop, but eventually they made it to the check out, where the cashier decided to be annoying and gab the whole time. Ren was amused by the looks on the other cashiers faces. They looked so scared and afraid Ren was going to kill the one serving him. It almost made it bearable.

Ren eventually asked her to shut up because he didn't want to hear about how many outfits her dog had. It was just ridiculous.

After making it through the check out they were stuck with awkward goodbyes.

"So, do you think I can see you again?" Horo asked slowly, sad eyes boring into his.

Ren was compelled to console him and it took every ounce of self restraint he possessed to not embrace him. "I don't think that's such a good idea," Ren managed to say.

"Why not?"

"We just broke up a few months ago and it doesn't seem like its something we should do?" explained Ren slowly.

"But-"

"You have to take this break up seriously, and then maybe we can still be friends or something."

"Friends hang out," Horo pushed.

"I know. But I want to wait," Ren said.

Horo opened his mouth to argue, but Ren shook his head. "No. That's the end of that." He pushed his cart towards the door. "See you at the Christmas party," and he left Horo attending there with a very solemn look on his face.

After loading his trunk with groceries, Ren sat behind the wheel of his car for quite sometime, feeling furious with himself, sad and confused. He didn't know what he wanted any more.

He was trying to be firm with the breakup, but seeing him again was making him seriously doubt whether or not he really wanted it. But he knew that going back to him would put everything back to the way it was and they would be at a stand still.

To marry, or not to marry? That is the question.

Ren slammed his fist into the wheel. "Fuck." He didn't want to bend, but it was possible that he would. With that less then comforting thought, he started the engine and drove home.

The next few weeks were a blur. Besides Christmas shopping, he barely ventured outside. Jun visited him every other day and a couple of the others dropped by to see how he was. Horo didn't call or visit which gave Ren mixed feelings. He was mad and glad. He didn't know exactly how to deal with that either.

And at long last the day of the Christmas party arrived and Ren was regretting his decision to attend, but he drove there none the less. Everyone was excited to see him. He was pleased to see them too.

They talked about a lot of things, joked and ate wonderful food. Things with Horo seemed okay, but it was Yoh, Ren had a problem with. He tired very hard to not let him bother him, but he was losing patience very quickly.

Feeling a very angry comment coming on, he excused himself to the bathroom. There he took a long breather and played with random things, like soap and water. When he felt calmer, he left and ran into Horo.

"Are you okay?" Horo asked.

"Yeah. Just needed a moment, alone."

"Does he still bother you?" inquired Horo.

"What? No. Of course not," Ren said indignantly.

Horo raised an eyebrow.

"Well, okay. Maybe. Just a little," he replied sheepishly.

Horo nodded and didn't say anything.

"No comment?" Ren asked.

"You already know what I'm going to say. And I don't want to fight about it," replied Horo.

Slightly surprised Ren said, "Okay," and looked away. By chance he glanced up and noticed the mistletoe.

_Fuck_, he thought. _Why do they always put mistletoe by the bathroom?_

He looked back at Horo, hoping he wouldn't notice. Horo's eyes flickered to the ceiling.

Shit.

Horo looked at Ren, eyes glittering mischeviously.

"No," Ren said automatically.

"But its mistletoe," Horo said. "You're supposed to kiss under mistletoe."

"Not the way _you_ kiss under mistletoe," Ren accused.

Horo walked closer and Ren flattened himself against the wall. "Do you have a problem with they way I kiss?" Horo asked, his voice low and sultry. Ren could feel his defences failing.

"No."

"Then what's the problem?" he was very close to Ren now. Ren's brain shut down.

"I don't know," he answered.

Horo smirked and closed the distance between them.

Ren's brain switched on and exploded. He couldn't think and reason had walked right out the door. Horo's arms snaked around his body and Ren ran his hands up Horo's torso and around his neck, remembering the sensation.

A small moan escaped him as Horo's lips left his mouth and began their decent down his neck and back up after a brief pause. He kissed his lips again and then smiled at him.

"I'm going to kill you," Ren said with a grin.

"I know," Horo said, leaning forwards to kiss him again.

They were interrupted by voices coming towards them. They pulled apart just as Manta rounded the corner.

"Hey guys. Its snowing. We're going to go for a walk. Lets go."

They nodded and followed without a word. They dressed and headed out into the snow, everyone laughing and talking loudly. Ren and Horo were subdued, each thinking about what happened.

Ren was even more confused about that he wanted then he had been before Horo had kissed him, and he knew that if it had gone any further, he wouldn't have stopped it. He didn't know what to do.

He wanted Horo ro kiss him again, but that could lead to possibly getting back together, which would lead to arguing about getting married and he didn't want that. He just wanted his lips on his again.

He sighed. Things had gotten a lot more complicated.

Ren glanced at Horo who seemed to be thinking as well. This actually frightened him, Horo thinking meant some hair rasing scheme was coming his way. It meant trouble.

The group walked around for a while until Anna began complaining about being cold, in which they returned to the Inn to open presents.

Shortly after everyone began to disperse and return to their homes. Ren was the last to leave. He said goodbye to Yoh and Anna and walked out. Horo accompanied him to his car. Ren chewed his thumbnail as he neared his door.

"So, I guess this is goodbye then," Horo said.

"I . . . guess," answered Ren.

Horo nodded. "Okay . . . well I guess I'll see you . . . whenever. Bye."

Not entirely sure what he was doing, Ren said, "Wait!"

Horo looked at him.

Ren struggled slightly and forced out, "Come with me."

Strangely surprised, Horo answered, "Alright."

They piled into Ren's car and they drove off, with Ren yelling at himself for not listening to reason and for listening to other parts of himself that should not have had any say in the matter.

They reached Ren's house and ventured inside. Horo had no idea what was going on until Ren pushed him up against the door and kissed him.

"You are a bad, bad man, Horokeu Usui," Ren said. "Very bad."

"Hm. I know," Horo said with a wicked grin.

They kissed again as they pulled off their coats and shoes. They made their way to the stairs coming up for air ever now and then, removing articles of clothing and trying not to trip. Horo did trip once and Ren just chuckled and pulled him into the bedroom where they fell onto the bed, locked in their frenzy of frantic touching and kissing, remembering where everything is by touch, the familiar caresses soothing, and sparking moans, the pleasure flowing throughout their bodies.

Everything but the sensation forgotten. Nothing else mattered and for once, the world seemed right.

Sometime after their romp in the bed, Ren awoke, feeling pleased but then horror struck him and he viciously rubbed his face with his hands.

"You idiot. You stupid fucking idiot."

He glanced at Horo who was asleep next to him. _Fuck_. He carefully climbed out of bed, dressed and fled down stairs to the couch were he began beating himself up.

How could you do something so stupid? God. You're supposed to be smarter then this.

He sat there, thinking about that he was going to do, for a long time, until Horo, fully dressed joined him. Horo sensed that in no way should he embrace Ren, which he was thankful for.

"You look angry," Horo commented.

"I am," retorted Ren.

"You just got laid. How can you be angry?" Horo asked incredulously.

"Because it was irresponsible and it shouldn't have happened!" Ren answered loudly.

"Ah," replied Horo, looking away.

"Gah. Stupid. I'm so stupid. Why? Why? I should know better then to let this happen. Its all your fault!" Ren said accusingly.

"How?" inquired Horo.

"_You_ kissed_ me_. Because of that you made me think about other things that I miss and need," Ren said.

"It was just a kiss," replied Horo with a shrug. "I didn't think it would turn into sex."

Ren gave him a look. "You can't tell me that you didn't think about."

"Well okay. I thought about it. I always think about it. Especially now that I'm not getting it," said Horo with a sigh.

"You didn't get it until at least a year into our relationship anyway," sneered Ren.

"Yes. And that's because you freaked out every time I touched you because of those a-holes at D.I.M.I," Horo answered in a tone that suggested he wanted to hurt someone. "And after the first time it became important and I miss it now."

"_This_ wasn't supposed to happen."

"Well you're the one who told me to _come_ with you, so that's what I did." Horo grinned at his own innuendo.

Ren rolled his eyes.

"So, it's actually _your_ fault," Horo continued.

Ren made a face. "You could have said no," he suggested.

"And what? Miss this wonderful opportunity to assign blame to each other? Not for anything in the world," Horo answered sarcastically.

Ren sighed annoyed. "We shouldn't have done this. We're being irresponsible about our break up."

"Couples have relapses," Horo said. "It happens. Sometimes more the once."

"Oh fuck," Ren said.

"Why are you trying to fight something we both desperately want?" inquired Horo.

"Because I know how it ends!" Ren shouted. "And as long as it ends like _that_, this," he gestured between the two of them. "Can not happen."

"But we love each other," Horo said sadly.

"I know," Ren answered quietly.

Silence fell between them.

"So what are we going to do, Ren?" Horo asked after a while.

"I don't know," replied Ren. "I really don't know."

**Ashuri: wow, that was a lot. Now its really late and I'm going to go to bed. But soon the next chapter will be up so I hope you enjoyed this one. Please comment and leave a review with any questions or anything.**


	9. New Year's Possibilities

**Ashuri: as I said I was working on the next chapter so here it is. I still hope people are enjoying it and I do apologize that its taking me so long ^_^ but please do enjoy.**

**Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Nine: New Year's Possibilities.

Because of their Christmas mishap, things just seemed to get worse. Horo was constantly suggesting they should get back together because its what they both wanted. Ren was refusing because he knew what would happen if they did.

Others tried to throw in their own two cents about their relationship which was neither helpful nor wanted.

Each discussion with Horo about this took place over the phone because it seemed easier to argue that way. Ren was adamant that even though they wanted to be together, they both wanted the relationship to go in different directions and thus they couldn't move forwards and were separated because there was no other choice, if no one was willing to bend.

Horo found it very hard to build an argument against this. It virtually consisted of 'we love each other' and 'we belong together', which actually tugged at Ren's heart strings, but he always fought it off. It was painful but he felt it was right.

Because talking on the phone wasn't getting them any where, Horo took to following Ren around and showing up at his house at random intervals, bombarding him with many reasons as to why they should be together.

To see the emotion on his face as he said each one made Ren crazy. Each one made him want to embrace him and agree to give it another shot. It was much harder to fight him off when they were face to face, but he managed to say no.

However, the day before New Years eve, Horo caught him off guard by asking him on a date the next day, to which he foolishly agreed and was unable to take it back. He cursed himself as Horo smiled smugly.

As furious as he was with himself, he couldn't help but be pleased at the same time. His other wants and needs were trying to take over his mind and if he didn't keep them in check, they would have another Christmas mishap on their hands.

Horo took him out to dinner at a very nice restaurant, which Ren couldn't help but like, and though part of him thought this was a bad idea, he decided to ignore it and enjoy the evening. The food was delicious and they managed to talk about something other then their relationship.

After dinner Horo took him over to Tokyo Tower where they could watch the fireworks at midnight. Ren was expecting a kiss at midnight and knew Horo would do it.

As soon as the countdown started, Horo took his hands and gazed lovingly into his eyes. Ren actually smiled, reminded of past New Years eve moments.

Horo counted down with the counter and when it reached zero, they both said, "Happy New Year," and Horo leaned forward to climb his lips, which Ren readily gave up, pushing away the feeling that he shouldn't be doing that.

When they broke apart, they went for a walk, hand in hand. They talked a little bit, about New Years resolutions, and things like that. Ren didn't have any. Horo's was mostly for him to not be so thickheaded.

After a brief break, Horo said, "I'm amazed you agreed to go out with me."

"Its because you're so damn persistent, and you caught me off guard," Ren said. "Your persistence has never been a good thing for me."

Horo chuckled. "Well good. I'm glad."

Ren smiled. "I wasn't going to be doing anything tonight anyway. Except for like watching tv or something."

"So I got you out of your house then?" asked Horo.

"Yes."

"That's good. You spend to much time at home."

"Well if I didn't have this strange person stalking me, I would go out more." Ren grinned. "But I don't think my stalker would like that."

"No. No he wouldn't," Horo said grinning as well. "He'd have to attack anyone who talked to you."

"Aw. He's protective."

"Yes. Very."

Horo stopped and looked at him seriously. "He would never let anyone hurt you."

"I know," Ren said.

"He really cares about you."

"I know."

They leaned close to each other. "He-"

"He can stop referring to himself in the third person," answered Ren.

"Okay."

They shared a short sweet kiss.

Ren's brain was still screaming at him to stop, that the more he let Horo continue on with this, the easier he'll bend, but his heart longed for the contact that Horo would readily give, the love they shared.

And the other parts of him wanted other things, that subconsciously buried, had been brought to the surface on Christmas. Things he was craving at that moment, but was unsure if he should walk that path again, because afterwards, they would have to once again reevaluate where they were and it wasn't a fun discussion.

The sweet kiss became long and passionate. Horo's hands cupped Ren's face as the kiss became more furious, his tongue finding entrance to Ren's mouth. He let out a moan as he placed his hands on Horo's chest.

He couldn't escape or describe how much he wanted things to go further.

The kissing subsided and they gazed into each others eyes. Ren could see the lust, want and need radiating from Horo's eyes and knew his yielded the same. Horo claimed his lips once more, not wanting to be far from him.

Ren knew things could possibly go wrong, but was quickly finding he didn't care. All he wanted was right in front of him.

They pulled apart again, breathing heavily in the cold air, their breath escaping in front of them. Horo let out a shaky uncertain laugh.

"Let's go," Ren said, taking hold of his hand and pulling him along. Horo obeyed, following without complaint.

They made their way back to Ren's house where they once again engaged in the sexual acts they had shared on Christmas. The wonderful feelings, the heat, the passion, the intense, insane desire, swirling around them, making any feelings of doubt vanish.

Exhausted after their overwhelming desire had been fulfilled, they layed down together, wrapped in each other's arms, staring at each other, euphoria flowing through their bodies.

"Well," Horo said. "This is the second time we've slept together since we broke up, do you still think it's going to work?"

"I don't know," Ren said honestly.

"Because by my way of thinking, this is definitely a step _back_ from where you thought this break up would go."

Ren sighed a little. "Yeah. But you're just so sexy that I don't know what to do with myself."

Horo smirked.

"I don't know. The break up was supposed to but things in perspective, to show us what we were giving up because we wouldn't budge. Because I couldn't breathe and I couldn't deal with it."

"I didn't mean to suffocate you," Horo said. "I just-"

"Wanted what you wanted," Ren said. "Just as I did. So then of course we hit our snag and here we are."

"But you keep saying that if we get back together, we'll just be where we were," answered Horo.

"And we will. Have your ideals and wants changed?" inquired Ren.

Horo opened his mouth briefly, closed it, thought for a moment and then said, "No."

Ren nodded. "Exactly. And neither have mine."

They both looked at each other solemnly.

"But, we are drawn to each other and seemingly we can't last very long by ourselves. We need to be together," mused Ren.

Horo kissed him. "Yes. We need each other very much."

"And so, I don't know what we should do. We are not progressing. We are definitely going backwards, as you said."

Horo nodded.

"And if we were to get back together and it worked for a while, and the problem presented itself again, I don't think I could go through the breakup again," said Ren sadly. "It hurts too much."

"I don't think I could go through it again, either," replied Horo.

Ren looked away and snuggled into Horo's chest. He sighed. "This is why I never cared about people, or let people care about me. Because it hurts. I didn't want to feel that pain. And well at the time, caring about people would just deter me from my path."

Horo pulled him closer.

"But then I met you guys, and that slowly changed. It took me even longer to realize that I could love and that I was in love. I was just willing to lock it away and let it die, because it didn't seem worth it, that I wasn't worth it."

Kissing his forehead, Horo said, "You were always worth it."

Ren smiled slightly. "Well if you weren't so persistent, it might have stayed dormant longer, especially if you didn't like me and started dating someone else."

"Would you have gotten jealous?" asked Horo.

"Hell yeah. I would just be confused as to way though. And I would probably hate your significant other. I'd want to cause them serious harm."

Horo sniggered a bit. "You would pick fights all the time. I think everyone would be confused."

Ren nodded.

"Well, good thing I love you then. It saves others from a beating."

"Not necessarily," answered Ren. "I can still give people a beating."

"So true."

They laughed a bit and settled into a comfortable silence.

"So, what are we going to do?" Horo asked after a little while.

Ren sighed. "The only thing that makes even a little sense."

"Getting back together because we love each other?"

Ren nodded. "We'll see how it plays out, and maybe something good will come of it."

Horo smiled happily and stole a kiss from Ren. "You don't know how happy that makes me. The last few months have been complete agony."

Ren kissed him back. "Its been the same for me too."

"I want nothing more then to be with you, Ren."

"I know me too."

He snuggled into Horo again and though about what had just happened. They were going to give it another shot. God knows it was wither a very stupid thing to do or a very smart thing. He would be lying if he said it wasn't what he wanted.

He was still afraid that they would reach the same sticky end that he had been trying to avoid, but he didn't want to be separated from Horo anymore.

It was too unbearable.

"I love you, Horo," he said.

Horo held him tightly. "I know. I love you too."

**Ashuri: I said I was working on it, I did start it but then I got distracted. I'm sorry. And then I got the rest of the Japanese version of shaman king for my birthday and I started watching it, so I managed to finish this. I just have to say, I love Ren. So much. Lol. **

**Anyway, any questions or comments, please leave a review.**


	10. Its Always Been You

**Ashuri: okay, here we going moving on. Lets see how much we get typed while watching shaman king. I managed to write the next chapter quickly, so I just need to type it now. **

**Ren: she does not own shaman king.**

Chapter Ten: It's Always Been You.

It seemed liked an incredibly weird dream. They were back together and the world seemed to be perfectly fine, they were happy and seemed to be moving along at an ok pace.

Neither brought up the marriage subject. As far as they were concerned that topic, that word, did not exist. And everything should be as it should.

About a week after Ren's birthday, everyone knew they were back together and everyone was happy for them. Horo decided to through a birthday party for him which also doubled as a _Congratulations on Getting Back Together_ party for the both of them.

Ren didn't really want a party, but figured it might be fun in the end. And he might not have minded it as much, if it wasn't being held at Yoh's. Even with Horo's persistence that nothing is or was going on between them, Ren could not shake the jealous hatred that arose everytime Yoh was around.

This sick overwhelming feeling that made his blood boil over. It made him want to hurt Yoh so much. Which was odd, because before all of this, he had liked Yoh, a lot, he still did, and if it hadn't been for Yoh, things would have gone quite differently.

He didn't hate him, it was the thought of him and Horo he hated.

He didn't want to be a horrible needy boyfriend, who made his boyfriend not see his friends or anything. So he bit his tongue and did his best to keep everything to himself. He would try very hard to not erupt at Yoh during the party.

They headed over there at about noon. They would have gone earlier, but Ren kept procrastinating and doing things to Horo that made him forget that they had some place to be.

They were greeted, much to Ren's displeasure, by Yoh who was his normal cheery self. "Hey guys," he said. "Happy birthday, Ren."

"Thanks," Ren managed with some difficulty.

Yoh just smiled, truly oblivious to Ren's cold attitude and apparent hatred of him. He said hello to Horo and they started talking.

The fire burning inside Ren intensified. He leaned against Horo, wrapped his arm around him and grasped his hand tightly. Horo smiled at him, before continuing his conversation.

Even though it was stupid of him to think so, he felt ignored. So in order to get Horo's attention, he switched the hand holding Horo's and place his free hand in Horo's back pocket. Slightly surprised, Horo adburtly ended his conversation with Yoh, to look at him. Ren ginned at him knowingly, a suggestive notion on his face.

Horo grinned and then suggested to Yoh that they head inside. Yoh agreed.

Once inside, Ren detached himself from Horo, and with a sly grin headed off to the bathroom. Within minutes, as Ren suspected, Horo showed up.

It probably wasn't the best thing to do in someone else's home, Ren locked the door and then pushed Horo up against it, giving him a long passionate kiss. Horo grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, letting out a low moan between kisses.

Ren snaked his hands up underneath Horo's shirt, feeling the smooth surface of his chest, he then grabbed the hem of said shirt and pulled it over his head. His lips left Horo's and made their way down his neck then down his chest.

"Ren," Horo breathed, his eyes closed, enjoying the sensation.

Ren grinned wickedly and continued his decent.

"Ren, we really shouldn't-"

Ren stood quickly and claimed Horo's lips once more. "Hush," he said silkily.

"But-" Horo tried.

"Do you really want to stop?" Ren asked, shoving his hand down Horo's pants.

Horo's eyes grew wide in surprise. "No."

"Then stop protesting, love," Ren said kissing him and bitting his lip a bit. "It'll be fine."

They continued making out and Horo pulled off Ren's shirt, and was about to undo his pants when there was a knock at the door.

"Hey you guys, lunch is ready," came Yoh's voice.

They both groaned loudly. Ren sighed and pulled away from Horo.

Horo answered Yoh, annoyed, "Kay. We'll be right there."

They pulled on their shirts, having a quick thought, Ren gave Horo another long kiss. "We'll save the rest for later."

Horo nodded numbly and followed Ren from the bathroom once the door opened.

They walked the halls to the main dining room, where ton's of Ryu's finest cooking was layed out. There was balloons and streamers and a banner that said _Happy Birthday_, in colourful writing, hung on the wall.

Their friends were all situated around the table. Anna, Manta, Ryu, Chocolove, Faust, Eliza and Jun. Yoh took a seat beside his wife, and Ren and Horo next to him.

They all started talking loudly and Horo joined right in, though still miffed about being interrupted. Ren sat there with his arms crossed watching everyone. Then someone made a toast to Ren, and to Ren and Horo. They shouted "Kanpi!" and drank from their cups.

Horo somehow managed to spill his. Ren just smiled and didn't sat anything, feeling that now was not the time to fall back into the old routine of berating Horo.

Yoh made a joke about Horo being klutzy, and they had a good laugh. Ren's smile was forced and he bit his tongue, avoiding the retort he longed to throw at him.

They dove into the food, which was delicious, Ren still quite silent, only speaking when spoken too, and growing more annoyed with Yoh, with every passing second.

It was at the point that if Yoh said anything to him, he was going to be deliberately rude.

They managed to make it to opening presents without any problems. Shortly afterwards, Ren got bored and wanted to leave, so Yoh and Horo loaded everything into the car.

Before saying goodbye Yoh turned to Ren. "So, Ren, I hope you had a good time. Its been a while since you've been here and-"

"I'm only here because this halfwit dragged me here," replied Ren with a small grin at Horo to show he was joking.

Horo smiled sheepishly.

"Heh heh, well I see you're still as feisty as ever," said Yoh.

Ren gave him a sort of half grin, not really agreeing with the levity of the situation.

"We need to hang out more. We don't do it as often," continued Yoh.

"No. Because you don't invite me anywhere, so you can have an excuse to be alone with Horo," Ren said, just loud enough, folding his arms and looking away.

"What?" Yoh asked, looking at him puzzled.

"Nothing," Ren said sourly. "Lets go, Horo."

"Yep," replied Horo.

Ren walked a few paces away, but was still close enough to hear the comment that made him fly off the handle.

"I think going insane has made him paranoid. He's starting to have delusions. You better keep an eye on that."

"Excuse me!?" thundered Ren, standing right in front of Yoh. "How dare you make speculations about my condition! Its hardly any of your business! And I don't remember asking for your opinion." Ren shoved him.

Yoh stumbled back a bit. "Ren, I-"

"No! Don't start! There is nothing I want to here from you!" he shouted.

"Did I do something to piss you off?" he questioned ignoring Ren's statement.

"Yes. You shouldn't touch things that aren't yours!" exclaimed Ren.

Yoh stared puzzled and looked slowly at Horo, who was debating whether or not he should intervene. "There is nothing between us, Ren," Yoh tried. "We're just friends."

"I don't believe you. I see they way you look at him," Ren falsely accused.

"Ren, there is-"

"Shut up!"

Ren rounded on Horo. "I don't want you to see him again, Horo!"

They both looked scandalized.

"But-"

"That's not fair!"

"I don't care!" Ren said. "Its me or him!"

Horo looked so unhappy. He looked at Yoh and then at Ren, never having to have made such a hard decision before.

"It shouldn't take you this long to choose, Horo!"

Horo looked at him. "I can't do that, Ren. He's my friend. He's just as important to me as you are."

"Wrong answer." Ren said, giving him an evil look. "Have you learned nothing about crazy people? Give them what they want!" And he punched Yoh in the face.

Turning back to Horo, he said. "What? Do I have to kill him to keep you to myself? Or better yet, lock you up so you can't see him?" He kicked Yoh in the side. "Either way, you will not see him again."

"Stop this, Ren!" Horo said scandalized. "You're saying crazy things!"

"I am crazy, Horo," Ren replied. "We all know that. I am crazy in love with you and insanely jealous of you and Yoh, and you should be doing everything to keep me!" He kicked Yoh again. Yoh groaned and clutched his side.

"Not when you're being unreasonable." Horo replied.

"Oh boo. To bad. You'll have to deal with it, if you want this relationship to work." He fell silent again before speaking. "Now I won't ask again. Me or him?"

Horo just stared at him. "Please, Ren . . ."

"Me or him! Dammit!" Ren yelled, tears in his eyes.

Horo looked at Yoh, crumpled on the ground briefly before looking at Ren and chocking out, "You, Ren. It's always been you."

A smile actually broke out on Ren's face as the tears fell. He left Yoh and went to embrace Horo. Horo held him tightly.

"You are mine, and I am yours, forever," Ren said.

"I know," Horo replied, patting his head and looking at Yoh sadly.

After a few minutes, they heard sirens and broke apart. The noise came closer and a large white van sporting the letters, D.I.M.I., stopped in front of the property.

Ren froze and stared, scared shitless, at it.

"Its for your own good, Ren," someone said, and Ren whipped around to see his sister holding a phone. "Before you harm someone."

The attendants left the van.

"No! You can't do this to me!" he yelled at Jun. "Not again!"

The attendants came towards him.

"Horo! You can't let them take me!" he yelled, latching on to him. Horo held on to his arms but as the attendants grabbed a hold of him, he didn't fight.

"Horo! You can't!" Ren yelled as they dragged him to the van.

"It'll be okay, Ren," Horo said sadly.

"You jackass! I'll kill you!" he screamed as they pulled him into the can. The doors shut and they heard kicking and screaming as the van drove away.

**Ashuri: and that's that. Its very random. I have no idea where this story is going at this point. So I guess we'll have to see.**

**Questions? Comments? Ideas? Leave a review.**


	11. Back to the Asylum

**Ren: she does not own shaman King.**

Chapter Eleven: Back to the Asylum.

They sedated him at one point, Ren wasn't quite sure when, but the next thing he was aware of was waking up in a small, slightly comfy bed, with an IV drip sticking out of the back of his hand.

His movement was slightly impaired, but he managed to sit up and yank it from his hand. It bled as he made his way to the door. He was immediately intercepted by some orderlies.

He fought them off and escaped into the hall. He didn't get far before some more got a hold of him, drugging him once more.

Awakening sometime later, he found they had restrained him to prevent anymore escape attempts.

He screamed loudly, wanting desperately to be free. No one listened, and no one showed up. Eventually he exhausted himself, stopped screaming and slowly fell asleep.

Ren awoke sometime later to a dimly lit room, voice hoarse and body aching from the restraints. A little groggy, he at first thought he was alone, but he was mistaken.

A woman with long brown hair was there by his window. His doctor from his last visit to the Asylum. And she scared him.

"I'm not staying," Ren managed. "I _refuse_ to sign your stupid form. You can't get Jun to do it either."

"This is not a permanent solution," she said. "This is only temporary, to deal with your mad desire to hurt people."

"Oh, I always hurt people," Ren said, rolling his eyes. "Its just jealousy."

"Jealousy brought on by a manic episode, which did not change much upon your arrival here."

"You drugged me-"

"It was a harmless sedative."

"And then you chained me to a bed!" Ren finished, struggling against the restraints.

"It was for both your protection and ours," she replied, glancing at her watch.

"Oh am I keeping you?" Ren snarled.

She sighed. "Mr. Tao, you are not my only patient. I am very busy. I am simply here to inform you that you _will_ be here for at least a week, and hopefully we can stop you from harming people."

Ren muttered some words to himself.

She walked to the door. "Oh, and you will have a visitor tomorrow. A friend."

Ren scoffed. "Some friends. I don't want to see any of them."

She merely looked and him and left the room without a reply.

He layed there for a long time contemplating horrible, agonizing deaths for everyone, each one getting more and more elaborate. He hated everyone so much at that moment. After a long time he fell into an uneasy sleep.

They woke him later, removing the restraints and brining him some food, which was eaten with plastic utensils. The food had not gotten better, in the last three subsequent years.

He didn't fight them off because it required a lot of energy and he had used it up fighting against the restraints which had now left dark bruise along his wrists and arms.

He was locked in his room around the clock. His visitor arrived around noon, after the lunch people had left. It was Horo.

Ren shot him an evil look. "I don't want to see you."

Horo moved closer. "Ren."

Ren scooted away. "No. No. stay away. Traitor."

"I had nothing to do with this," Horo said. "_Jun_ did it behind our backs. I just got you back. Why would I want to be separated from you again?"

"You let them take me!" Ren shouted.

"You were attacking people!" Horo shouted back.

"I _always_ attack people!" Ren insisted. "Its in my nature."

"He is your _friend_."

"Really Horo? Its like you don't know me at all." Ren frowned. "You were my friend and for years I attacked you and fought with you. How is this any different?"

Horo tried to remain calm. "Because you looked like you were going to kill him. Your jealously has reached a new height."

"Oh its not that bad."

"Yes it is, Ren," Horo said, sitting down on the bed. "This is serious. You can't try to kill someone because you feel threatened."

Ren turned away. "I don't like how you're with him all the time."

"I know, Ren," Horo took Ren's hands. "And maybe I do spend too much time with him. And I shouldn't run to him every time we have problems, and I'll work on that, if you promise to work out this jealously."

Ren didn't answer.

"Its not healthy, Ren. If we want to rebuild our relationship and move past all the heartache, we have to deal with it." Horo's hands tightened around his. "I love you, Ren. There is no one I'd rather be with." He cupped Ren's face and turned it to face him. "Tell me you love me."

Ren's amber eyes met Horo' dark ones. They were full of love and patience.

"I love you," Ren said.

Horo leaned forward, claiming his lips with a simple kiss, which migrated into a more heated one as Ren gripped Horo's face, pulling him closer. Horo's mouth left his briefly and after a quick kiss, Ren but his lip playfully, returning it to the heated kisses.

Horo's hands snaked along his body, issuing moans from him. Ren's hands moved into Horo's hair as he was pulled into a laying position on the bed, and Horo climbed on top of him.

His hands went under Ren's shirt, touching the bare skin, sparking desire. One of Ren's hands left Horo's hair and ran along his back, then around to his front feeling his chest, then down the rim of his pants. Horo groaned with pleasure, his tongue ransacking Ren's mouth.

They broke apart briefly and Ren said, "How is it that the serious conversation has turned to sex?"

There was another quick kiss.

"I don't know," Horo answered. "But we were interrupted earlier.

"So we were."

They resumed their romp before Horo halted them this time. "There aren't camera's in this room are there?"

"I don't know." Ren frowned. "But there is a window in the door."

As if on cue, they both turned to stare at the door and found several orderlies watching them. They bolted quickly when spotted. Horo cleared his throat and sat up, Ren did the same.

"Well that put an end to that," he said, disappointedly.

"We could continue," Horo said, kissing his cheek.

"As fun as that was, I don't fancy being watched by the orderlies," Ren answered as Horo kissed his neck,

"No. I suppose not," was Horo's reply. He rested his head on Ren's shoulder and they were silent for a moment.

"Do you find Yoh attractive?" Ren asked.

Horo pulled away and looked at him. He didn't look angry, so Ren assumed the question was okay.

"I don't think he's ugly. But no. I don't think he's attractive," Horo replied. "I'm not attracted to him in anyway."

"Not in the slightest?" Ren inquired.

"Nope," Horo shook his head. "Besides, he's _way_ too passive. I like fire and passion and people who give me a hard time."

Ren grinned. "So, me?"

"Definitely," Horo smirked. "Half the fun was trying to win you over. You're so defiant."

"You got there in the end."

"That I did."

They both layed down again, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Do you really hate Yoh?" Horo asked after a while. "I mean he was your best friend."

"I think he was your best friend, actually," Ren muttered.

"Okay . . . well, a very good friend then," Horo said.

Ren shrugged. "Whatever feelings I have towards him at this point in time are based on my jealousy."

"So not exactly hatred?" Horo inquired, running his fingers along Ren's arm.

Ren smiled at the touch. "I guess not."

"Well I guess that's something. You could rebuild that friendship."

Ren rolled his eyes. "I suppose so. If it was necessary."

"Well yeah. You can't attack people," Horo insisted. "And I know he'd still like to be your friend."

"Even after I had beaten him up?" Ren inquired.

"Yes."

"I have trouble believing that," Ren said. "He think's I'm a nutter."

"You are a nutter."

Ren hit him. "Shut up."

Horo grinned. "He understands that you're going through some stuff and he wants to help you."

Ren sighed. "Fine. I'll work on it."

Horo kissed his forehead. "Thank you."

"I have to stay here for at least a week," Ren then said, not at all pleased with that realization. "They say it'll help me with my attack people thing."

"Oh." Horo looked a little put out. "I guess that's okay . . ."

"Oh, now you're sad," Ren joked.

"I don't like being separated from you," Horo said burring his head into Ren's shoulder once more.

"You're clingy."

"No. Just madly in love."

Ren laughed. "You are so queer."

Horo laughed and kissed him again.

"You better visit me," Ren said.

"Every day. I promise," Horo replied.

"Good. I really don't want to spend a week in this hell hole with just the orderlies and the crazies to talk to."

"Yeah. I don't imagine that they're very entertaining," said Horo.

"It sucks."

"Don't worry. I'll visit. I promise."

"Good."

Ren shuddered to think just exactly how the week would go. Entertaining. Scary. He really didn't want to be there.

**Ashuri: really big break. So what did you think? Let me know. RXR please.**


	12. A Long Discussion

**Ren: she does not own shaman King.**

Chapter Twelve: A Long Discussion.

Since Ren promised to work on his problems, he did his best not to attack the orderlies and the patients, but it was difficult especially when they annoyed him at every turn. He didn't like their schedules, he didn't like their food, he hated being in the common area and he hated being talked to by them and bothered by their problems.

But he had promised. Fighting came naturally to him. It was in his nature to attack the things that angered him. It was unnatural to force himself to stop. Retaliation was normal. But he wasn't supposed to do that, he was supposed to remain calm and level headed. and he was, unless something stirred his negative emotions.

It made more sense with the orderlies and patients that he would attack them, but his reasoning for attacking Yoh was stupid. Everything he thought of concerning him and Horo was stupid. It made no sense. Both of them were committed to their relationships, they were both friends and they wouldn't just randomly decided to be with other people, especially with Yoh and Anna's past, and Horo's long attempts to persuade Ren.

He decided he was looking for someone to blame. It was easier to do so then to blame himself for the problems in his and Horo's relationship, even easier then blaming Horo himself. Even if Yoh wasn't even the cause of those problems. Even if Ren created the problem himself.

Humans were stupid creatures.

To try and atone for his behaviour, Ren called Yoh about half way through the week as per Horo's suggestion. Yoh didn't want to discuss it on the phone, especially with Anna there so he made a trip to D.I.M.I. so they could talk in private.

Ren stared at him from the bed. He didn't look any worse for wear from Ren's onslaught. He looked more sad then anything. But that was him. Passive and sad. Never angry. Sometimes it still annoyed Ren.

"So this is the mental facility," Yoh said as he leaned against the wall. "It's a nice place."

Ren snorted. "Yeah if you like being prodded and poked and fed pills and harassed by crazy people. The patients aren't any better.

Yoh grinned a little but it died very quickly. "Look Ren, I really don't know what happened between us, or what could give you the idea that Horo and I could ever be anything more then friends."

"Jealousy rears its ugly head for stupid reasons, Yoh," Ren answered. "It doesn't have to make sense. Honestly I probably didn't like how much time you were spending together, that he went to you every time we had a problem like it was his solution, I don't know."

Yoh's eyes stared intrusively into his soul. "Ren I love Anna very much. Besides the fact that she would kill me if I was _ever_ interested in anybody else, I love her and would never do anything to hurt her. Or you for that matter, you're my friend. I would never take anyone from you. And horo, well he loves you more then life itself. It nearly killed him when you broke up, I had never seen him so low since before you got together. He was so broken I didn't think he would recover."

Ren looked down.

"He's always loved you, since as far back as I can remember. He was good at hiding it in the beginning, but it came out as all things do. He wanted to be with you and without you it was getting tough. So he told you that he loved you to see how you'd react. If there was nothing there then he could move on, but that kiss sparked something so he kept trying. I think you must have had feelings for him too."

Ren smiled ever so slightly. "I've thought about it too, over the last few years. I think I might have but I buried it like I did everything. There was no reason for me to be in love and out of everyone why would I chose him? But like everything his persistence pulled out what I was trying to keep hidden. I didn't even know it was there. That's why I fell before I realized I had, that I needed him more then I could say. It wasn't shocking that we got together."

"Others could see it too. You were meant to be together," Yoh insisted. "And no one was going to mess with that. Forget you, Horo would have murdered us all after what he went through to get you." He laughed. "He's not going to let you go so easily."

"Of course, stubborn fool," Ren muttered. "I don't know why he likes me so much. Love must make people blind."

"You have lots of good qualities, Ren," Yoh answered gently. "Many of them come out in his presence, which is why he knows them and sees them. You have to be a very strong person to bare your soul to another. You're very strong, Ren."

Ren released a noise between a laugh and a sigh. "All this makes me getting mad at you seem even more pointless."

"Its alright," Yoh said waving it aside. "This is what happens, you get mad and I somehow negate all the negativity. That's just how our friendship is."

Ren couldn't agree more. "I don't know how anyone puts up with me. I figured you all would have left long ago. I don't exactly treat you all nicely. It just got worse after I started going insane."

"I think that maybe you're trying to do too much on your own," Yoh answered cautiously. "Yes its your problem but sometimes its good to be with friends and people who care about you. They take your mind off your problems. That's why things got better with Horo. But you've kind of stopped hanging around with everyone. We miss you."

"I only stopped because I was losing patience with everyone, and everyone was making me more angry then normal," Ren explained. He looked away from Yoh suddenly finding the shirt Horo had brought him more interesting. "_You _were making me more angrier then normal. I didn't know how to deal with it, I _knew_ it would result in a fight and I _tried_ to avoid it."

"Ren-"

"I just couldn't stand the thought of _what if_?" Ren continued as though Yoh hadn't said anything. "I couldn't stand the thought of you two being together in anyway, that you could even be that close. I didn't like how much time you were spending together," he admitted childishly. "It seemed like he was spending more time with you then me."

"Maybe it was a bad idea for him to come to me all the time with your problems," Yoh said coming to sit on the edge of the bed. Ren still wouldn't look at him. "But if you had come to me instead, I would have helped. I'm your friend, Ren. I care about you. You _should_ be able to come to me with your problems."

"I got too wrapped up in my jealousy."

"Yeah, but you know I think if it had been you coming to me, Horo would have lost it eventually too." Yoh grinned. "I think he's actually worse at hiding it then you."

Ren laughed a little. He wondered what an insanely jealous Horo would be like, but then decided that he really didn't want to know. It probably wasn't a good image. Besides Ren was crazy jealous enough for the both of them.

They were silent for a long time before Yoh asked quietly, "Why did you say no to his marriage proposal?"

Ren pulled his knees up to his chest and heaved a long sigh before saying, "I got scared."

Yoh's eyes were full of concern.

"To me, being married is like being caged. You are forever bound to one person which might seem great, but then it tears you apart. Divorce is very likely and I didn't want to face the possibility of that happening. People change when they get married, Horo would change. I didn't want things to change."

Ren was slightly surprised he had teared up and did his best to hide it from Yoh. He hated crying in front of people. Only Horo was allowed to see him cry. "But that's not to say that I don't want to be with him forever," he continued. "I do, so much. I couldn't stand being away from him ever, the break up was hard on me too. I _never_ want to do something like that again. I want to be with him."

Yoh nodded. "Did you tell Horo this?"

"Just the first part," Ren admitted sadly. "Then we started fighting and I never got to the rest."

"Well I think you should tell him that," Yoh suggested kindly. "You are both at different stages in your life, and maybe one day you'll feel different, but as long as he knows he has some sort of future with you, he might let up. Your rejection might just have come off as not wanting to be with him anymore."

Ren realized that Yoh was probably right. He could have tried to explain it better. They could have actually had a conversation as to where their future was going _before_ Horo asked him to marry him. Horo might have waited longer then, and maybe, just maybe, Ren's feelings on it might have changed. He wasn't sure. Despite his views that marriage was an evil sham, he _so _longed to see Horo in a tux at the end of an isle.

He knew that image would undoubtedly be his undoing.

"We should have a proper discussion," Ren eventually said. "We never really did before. We sort of revisited it when we got back together, but that wasn't that long ago and it was always bound to come up again."

"I think it will be good for you," Yoh agreed. "You guys can work on that, and we can work on being friends again." He smiled a little bit. "Its probably best that Horo and I don't hang out _nearly_ as much as we did, at least for the time being. It was actually quiet extensive. Anna was freaking out because he was freeloading all the time."

Ren laughed. "Yeah, he does that."

Yoh laughed too and then stood up again. "I should probably get going before she makes her way over here demanding why I'm taking so long, and I'm sure Horo will be visiting soon."

"Yeah," Ren said.

"I'm glad we could talk and start to patch things up," Yoh said. "I really hope everything works out for you."

He was almost at the door when Ren, with difficultly, said, "I'm sorry."

Yoh looked a little surprised, but said with extreme kindness, "Don't be sorry, Ren. If we had communicated better, I would have know what was going on. But I didn't and I made it worse. We're both at fault. I'm sorry too."

Ren just shook his head. "You're too nice, Yoh."

"You never get tired of telling me that." He waved and left the room.

Ren leaned back on his bed and sighed. He did feel a little better about clearing the air with Yoh and hearing about Horo. It made things easier to understand. He didn't know if it would help, but he was going to try.

He closed his eyes for what seemed like a moment before someone was gently shaking his arm. He bit back a snappy retort and opened his eyes to find Horo sitting there smiling at him. "Why do you always wake me when I'm sleeping?"

"Because you always sleep at the wrong time?" Horo said leaning forward and kissing him gently.

"But I like sleep," Ren insisted.

"You'll have lots of time to sleep later."

Ren pouted and then moved closer to Horo, wrapping his arms around his neck and trying to be as close to him as possible. He felt sad now, and wanted to be held. The oaf had been in love with him for so long and put up with so much, how did he do it?

"What's wrong, Ren?" Horo asked concerned. "Did things not go well with Yoh?"

"No, it was fine," Ren mumbled into Horo's neck. "I just feel a little sad."

"Why?"

"I owe you a better explination then I gave when you asked me to marry you," Ren said trying to feel courages, but failing. He knew he needed to say this, but at the same time he didn't want to. What if it made things worse?

He felt Horo stiffen a little as he said, "Okay?"

"When I said no, and all those other things I think of when I think of marriage, it doesn't mean in anyway that I don't want to be with you. I _want _to be with you, only you, forever. I am _so_ sorry if I made you think that for one moment I don't want to be with you. I'm just- scared." Ren couldn't bring himself to look at Horo, he just tightened his arms around Horo's neck, afraid he would let go.

The kindness in Horo's voice made Ren die. "Ren, getting married is a very scary thing, and I did put a lot of pressure on you. I just want- I needed- there had to be some sort of future with you."

"There is, there always is," Ren chocked out. "I don't know if its marriage or something else, but I know for sure its us. It will always be us." He was fighting back tears now. "Things might change, I can't give you a definite answer but there is the option. Maybe. . . one day."

Horo's arms were nearly crushing him. "That's all I want. That's all I wanted to hear, that _maybe_. But either way, we will be together, right?"

Ren nodded. "I promise."

"I love you, Ren."

"I love you too!"

Horo pulled him away almost roughly to pull his face to his in a deep passionate kiss, his fingers tangled in Ren's purple hair. Ren gripped his shirt and immersed his other hand in the confines of his blue hair, feeling its silky texture between his finger tips.

He felt like he was about to burst, his chest was hurting as he breathed in Horo's scent, his mouth being ransacked as Horo's tongue forced its way inside. Somehow he wasn't close enough and he kept tiring to get even closer. They were a tangled mess of bodies on the small bed.

Horo's mouth made its way down his neck, kissing and bitting, Ren releasing small hisses and moans as he went, feeling the deep seated pleasure rising to the surface. There was a small gasp as Horo layed him down and pulled off his shirt then attack his chest, but there was no move to stop him. His hands just laced in his hair before slowly guiding him back to his mouth.

They didn't care this time if people saw them, if someone was peeking through the window in the door. All they wanted to do was be together, they needed and missed each other. The breakup was still too close a reminder and they needed to get back to where they had been. They had lost so much time.

The passionate love making was over a little to quickly, but Ren was just happy he was there. It seemed to make being in a mental facility less trying then it really was. It almost felt normal.

Horo wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. "I can't wait till this week is over and I can hold you all night. The bed is very empty without you."

"I miss you holding me," Ren said. "I can't wait to go home." He turned slightly to look into Horo's dark eyes. "But its not so bad right now."

Horo leaned forward and captured his lips again. For once everything was alright.

**Ashuri: I plan to finish this, I really do. So sorry its taking so long. So what did you think? Let me know. RXR please.**


	13. Unexpected Help

**Ren: she does not own shaman King.**

Chapter Thirteen: Unexpected Help.

On Ren's last day he had to go and see his doctor. She hadn't been as big a part of his stay as she had the last time, which was fine. If he could avoid her then he was happy. If he could avoid anything at the facility, that was even better.

She was sitting behind the desk when he came in. "Well, Ren," she said smiling slightly. "I see a definite change in you since the beginning of the week. I've also noticed you haven't been attacking people as much. How's that been for you?"

"Very hard," Ren said, considering just that morning some other patients had gotten into his room and were having some sort of argument there and running around being stupid. Ren had sat there and watched them hands on his head trying to avoid strangling them. Yelling at them only made them louder, so finally Ren left and went to the common area which was equally as annoying. When he had gone back to his room, the patients were gone.

"It is in my nature to attack people, it always has been," Ren added. "This sitting idly by and watching is not like me at all."

"Be that as it may, attacking people is not always the best solution," she said kindly. "I'm sure you learned that when making up with your friend. He forgave you, didn't he?"

"He _always_ forgives," Ren said rolling his eyes. "That's just who he is."

"A big contrast to you then."

"Oh yeah," Ren muttered.

She was silent for a moment before saying, "I told you we could only keep you here for a week and I see no reason to force further treatment on you. However I would suggest that you continue to work on your relationships with people, and possibly go back to seeing your therapist." She smiled slightly. "People can't get by in this world without others."

Ren didn't remember much of the meeting beyond that, he was just happy he could finally go home. He really hated it there. He packed up what little stuff he had and went to meet Horo who had come to pick him up.

They went out for dinner because Ren seriously needed something bad for you after eating that disgusting facility food. Then they went home where they spent the whole night in each others arms as though the world was going to end.

He couldn't believe he had wasted a week in that place. But it had served its purpose. He had fixed things with Yoh, he was happy with Horo, and he was learning to not attack people. Though the latter was the least likely to stay fixed what with his temper and all.

Horo and Yoh had both stated they would spend less time together, which was making both him and Anna happy, but in its place Ren started seeing Yoh at the minium once a week for a short time just to talk. It made Ren less angry with him, or annoyed when he was with Horo and he actually had fun. Things would eventually right themselves out.

He and Horo were perfectly happy. His _maybe_ had worked miracles with Horo's attitude and quite quickly he was back to his usual annoying self. He wasn't being pushy and he didn't even bring up the subject of marraige. He just bounced around like he was high on sugar, doing all the things he used to do before they broke up.

It was a seriously test for Ren's patience like he had forgotten just how annoying and aggravating Horo could be, but somehow he had retained enough self-control to not lash out. His patience usually covered Horo's annoying habits anyway.

With Horo not brining up marriage, other people were interfering again, as though trying to push things in one direction. Though not happy her brother was marrying the guy she had a crush on for the longest time, Prika had some how got it in her head that she was going to help plan the wedding and brought magazines over and was harassing the pair of them. With a death look at Horo that said _you are not having sex again if I have to listen to her for another minute_, Horo dragged Prika from the house.

The others were a little more subtle, just dropping little hints and stuff every now and then which was easier to shrug off. Even Horo told them off because he was finally just trying to take things as it was and didn't need them running their mouths off over something that might not happen.

Yoh didn't say anything about them getting married, he just did his best to help with Ren's fears on the matter. And since he was mad at Jun, she was banned from talking to him for the foreseeable future. But she had told someone about the possibility of him and Horo getting married. The only people he didn't want to know; their parents.

He received several phone calls from China over the next little while. He found out that his mother had told his father and grandfather about his preferences and relationship with Horo. Yuan was surprisingly okay with it. They didn't have the best relationship and so find that he was okay made Ren feel very emotional. Zhen was a different story. He was quite displeased.

He called Ren himself to yell over the phone about annihilating him, telling him that he was a disgrace to the Tao line for not marrying properly and how they were going to keep the bloodline going and a bunch of other things Ren tuned out. He sat on the couch with the phone away from his ear, going through the magazines Prika had left as the conversation was quite long and irritating. Finally he just hung up.

His mother was much more helpful. She was actually kind and listened to his worries about getting married and how it had affected his relationship with Horo, his irritation with Zhen, and how ridiculous a wedding was.

"Seriously have you seen this stuff," Ren said flipping through a magazine while on the phone with her. "I don't see why having all this stuff is necessary. Why do you need a five tier wedding cake or live doves escaping from a box?"

"_I don't know dear, some people just really like extravagant weddings_," she said with a small laugh.

"I don't want any of this stuff," which was a small lie. His favourite part was the tuxedos where he could picture Horo in any of them and it made him want to die. There was also a couple of simple things that wouldn't be so bad.

"_You_ _could have a small wedding_," she suggested.

"I think Horo would probably want a big wedding," Ren said flipping the pages. "Something outside, lots of people, food, dancing. Probably some weird Ainu traditions. I don't know how they do things."

"_What about incorporating some Chinese elements_?"

"I'm sure those would be there somewhere." The was a whole magazine on the table dedicated to Chinese weddings. He hadn't realized how over the top they were too. "It wouldn't be fair to just have Ainu stuff."

"_Ren, I know you say you don't want to get married,_" she began after a moment. "_But the way you're talking now, is like you've thought about it._"

Ren stared at the cake page in the magazine. Tall layed cakes ranging from simple to covered in flowers to the point it looked like throw up. "The oaf wants to get married, how can I not at least think about it," he said. "And it doesn't help that I have these _stupid_ magazines laying around."

"_How do you feel when you think about it_?"

"Nervous, panicky, happy. I don't know, its like a range of emotions." Ren dropped the magazine on the table.

"_Ren, those are all normal feelings that happen when you think about marriage. Do you think that deep down you _do_ want to get married and you're basing your fears on things that happen to other people? I know it's a big deal, but you sound very happy with this man._"

Ren was silent for a long moment. He didn't know how to answer her question so he asked, "Why do people get married?"

"_Many reasons. Arranged marriages, pregnancy, they jump into it for silly reasons and for the main one; because they love each other. Marriage is the symbol of unity, of wanting to be with the one you love for all eternity, that you promise to be theirs for all time_."

"But you could do that without _getting_ married," Ren insisted.

"_Yes and some people do. And others are more traditional and wish to showcase their love with a marriage. All people are different Ren, and all do things in their own way._"

When Ren didn't say anything she continued, "_I know you don't have many good visions of marriage to go on, but you should not base your decision on your father and I. The way we are together is completely different from you and Horokeru. You could both be perfectly happy and it could work out. Especially if he loves you as much as you say. And you love him. ultimately that's all that matters._"

"But divorce-"

"_Doesn't happen to everyone. Some people live long and healthy lives with their spouse. There is no guarantee that you both would be so unhappy that it would come to that. Clearly you two need to be together. You broke up and couldn't be apart for more then a few months and have been really happy since._" his mother said. "_If you love each other, you will make it work. Don't resign yourself to the worst possible scenario. That's setting yourself up to fail_."

Those words made complete sense to Ren. He hated failing at anything and when it came to his and Horo's relationship, he felt like such a faliure for being angry all the time, for being emotionally lacking, for how he treated him sometimes, and for not being able to make him happy.

Was it because of this that he immediately jumped to the worst case scenario; that they wouldn't work once they were married? Yes their relationship was rocky at some points but so was a lot of peoples. And just because he had that _stupid_ dream where Horo had abandoned him to go snow-boarding while he cleaned, didn't mean they were unhappy that they couldn't work. Horo clearly stated that Ren wouldn't be his slave. But then again, Horo was usually Ren's slave anyway.

Were his feelings based on his own misgivings on their relationship? Had he been so unbelieving in it that he could just assume they would fail at it? It was like he had just given up, which was not like him at all. What had happened? Why was he so scared?

He used to jump into things without thinking about the consequence, just taking them as they are, and then trying to change what he didn't like. Failure was not an option. When did he become a coward? Had falling in love made way for other feelings that were just the opposite of helpful? When had he become so complex?

Could he see himself married to Horo? Yes. Could they be happy? Yes. They would always love each other, they would always find some way to get back together. The breakup proved that. So why was Ren being such a baby?

"I don't want to fail," Ren said to his mother.

"_Then don't_," she said. "_Step up and take a chance. Baring your soul to another takes a lot of courage, and my son you are not a coward. You can do anything. I know you will persevere. I know you will be happy_."

As he hung up the phone, Ren was startled to find that the most helpful person concerning this whole thing, had been the most unexpected one of all. Maybe his trip to China, hadn't been a complete waste of time.

**Ashuri: So what did you think? Let me know. RXR please.**


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